- Al: Oh, what, you wanna rub it in, huh? Well, that's fine. Because firing me was the best thing you could've done. 'Cause I have a better job now, with more responsibility. And a big hat, too. So you can take your shoe store job and shove it because I have something that's even more important. My self respect.
- Gary: You can have your job back.
- Al: [desperately relieved] Thank you. Thank you.
- [having found out certain similarities between his and Hal's and Griff's lives]
- Al Bundy: Congratulations, boys, you've peaked. You're gonna slave away in here day in, day out, year in, year out, until one day you'll be close to 50, and you'll be an elf, driving a choo-choo!
- [walks off, laughing]
- Angry Woman in the Shoe Store: I can't belive these shoes don't come in a lower heel.
- Hal, Shoe Salesman: Oh, they will. Just stand up on them!
- Al Bundy: What kind of job are you doing?
- Griff: I got an executive position in the overnight-delivery business.
- Mall Manager: Hey, Blitzen, get your tail back over to the sled!
- [a raindeer dancer approaches]
- Reindeer Dancer: [high-pitched voice] Hi, I'm Prancer.
- Al Bundy: No kidding.
- Reindeer Dancer: [to Griff] Come on, Blitzen. It's time to get into our harness.
- Al Bundy: What kind of reindeer games you playing over there, Griff?
- Griff: One more crack out of you and I'll kick your curly-toed butt!
- Peggy Bundy: I had so much fun that I decided to bake the whole neighborhood.
- Kelly Bundy: This is incredible.
- Bud Bundy: Hey look, there's old man McGinty's house.
- Kelly Bundy: He even got the telescope he uses to watch me shower.
- Bud Bundy: Mom, what are those two marshmallows in your bedroom window?
- Peggy Bundy: That's daddy mooning the D'Arcys.
- Bud Bundy: It was us. It was her. We stole your Mary and Joseph Nativity statues.
- Kelly Bundy: We still have your statues.
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: Good, because if so much as one hair is missing off their heads...
- Bud Bundy: They don't have any heads!
- Kelly Bundy: [Peg has baked a gingerbread house] Mom, there's a big crack in it.
- Peggy Bundy: Well yeah, that's because its our house. You see that cotton candy? That's asbestos.
- Kelly Bundy: Mom, please make her let us go,
- Peggy Bundy: No. what you did is wrong. You had no intention of sharing that ransom money with me.