Married... with Children (TV Series)
It's a Bundyful Life Part 1 (1989)
Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy
Photos
Quotes
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Al : Twas the night before christmas, and all through the house, / no food was a stirring, not even a mouse. / Stockings were hung 'round dad's neck like a tie, / along with a note that said "presents or die". / Children were plotting all night in their beds, / while the wife's constant whining was splitting his head. / But daddy had money this year in the bank, / then they closed up early, now dad's in the tank. /... and all of a sudden Santa appeared, / a sneer on his face, booze in his beard. / Santa I said as he laughed merrily, / you do so much for others do something for me. / Bundy he said, you only sell shoes, / your son is a sneak-thief, your daughters' a flooze. / Ho Ho Santa said, should I mention your wife, / her hairs like an a-bomb, her nails like a knife. / As he climbs up the chimney, that fat piece of dung, / he mooned me two times, he stuck out his tongue. / And I heard him exclaim, as he broke wind with glee: / you're married with children, you'll never be free.
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Al : Now who wants to hear about the red-headed Grinch who stole Uncle Al's life?
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Al : I hate Christmas. The mall is full of nothing but women and children. All you hear is "I want this.", "Get me this.", "I have to have this."... and then there's the children. And they're all by my store 'cause they stuck the mall Santa right outside ringing his stupid bell. As if you need a bell to notice a 300-pound alcoholic in a red suit. "Ho, ho, ho," all day long. So, nice as can be, I go outside, ask him to shut the hell up. He takes a swing at me. So I lay a hook into his fat belly and he goes down. Beard comes off, all the kids start crying and I'm the bad guy.
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Al : You be quiet or I'll send you to the bathroom dungeon like Little Bobby.
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Al : Christmas is not the time for regrets, that's what anniversaries are for.
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Al : [a knock on the bedroom door] Come in, Kelly.
Kelly : Hi, Daddy. Um, I just wanted to tell you, I just got a call from the doctor and, um, I'm dying. Yep, I've got Bulgaria. The doctor says that it's terminus.
Al : How much time d'ya have, pumpkin?
Kelly : Well, I've got 'til Christmas morning, and the only known cure is a good present. You know, in the 250 to 275 price range.
