- Marcy: Girls like that are just cheap one-night stands. You all should be developing full, trusting relationships like I have with my Jefferson, who even now is away at computer camp trying to better himelf.
- Bud: Uh, Mrs. D'Arcy...
- [Bud gestures to the TV where Al, Griff and Jefferson are mingling with blondes in bikinis]
- Marcy: [enraged] Road trip! Destination: Fort Lauderdale!
- Bud: Goal: swift and terrible revenge!
- Achmed: But there is a blizzard outside and all the roads are closed.
- Marcy: I drive a Benz, and I am pissed off!
- TV: Live from Ft. Lauderdale, the Spring Break Dance Marathon. All proceeds will be donated to CBS to pay Bill Cosby's salary.
- Al Bundy: [into the phone] Hello? Oh, Hello Peg.
- Peggy Bundy: [into the phone, from a taxi] Al, is it cold there?
- Al Bundy: It's as cold as your feet on my back, Peg. Where are you?
- Peggy Bundy: Oh, I'm in New Orleans, at Mardi Gras. It's really warm here and there are a lot of kids here for Spring Break. Dad's trail has led me here.
- Al Bundy: Is your dad there, Peg?
- Peggy Bundy: How would I know? There's 10,000 people here and they're all wearing masks.
- Al Bundy: So the only one who should be really isn't? Goodbye, Peg.
- [hangs up]
- Bud: This is our big chance to score. Now, the ratio of girls to guys at spring break is 6 to 1.
- Barney: But that's the same ratio of girls to guys at our college and we don't score there.
- Barney: That's because those girls know us already. See, these girls will be total strangers and they'll be really drunk.
- Bud: We are flying to Fort Lauderdale,
- Achmed: And staying in one very cool hotel room overlooking the beach, where large-breasted girls will be arching their backs to make their breasts seem even larger. We will be thinking of you when we are rubbing oil on large breasts.
- Kelly Bundy: Yeah, maybe Hummer's.
- Hummer: At least mine are real.
- Bud: So Ashley, you really want to spend spring break with me down in my basement?
- Ashley: Nothing turns me on more than a guy who lives in his parents' basement.
- Bud: I knew it would pay off.
- Ashley: But first I'll have to get my insanely jealous boyfriend out of town.
- Bud: I'll kill that sucker.
- Ashley: No, because if you did, then I'd have to take time away from us to wear black panties to his funeral. And you know how I hate to wear panties, Bud.
- Jefferson D'Arcy: I'll be judging a beauty contest.
- Al Bundy: What's Marcy say about that?
- Jefferson D'Arcy: She said, "Have fun at computer camp."