Married... with Children (TV Series)

You Better Shop Around: Part 2 (1991)

Jerry Mathers: Jerry Mathers

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Bud and Kelly are still harassing Jerry Mathers at Foodies] 

  The Beaver : Look, here's 50 cents. It's all I have. Now please leave me alone.

  Bud : Just one more question; if all the autograph hounds will stay back a minute. Did you ever think of teaming up with that Eddie Munster kid for the "Throughly Pathetic Tour '91"?

  The Beaver : Let's get this over with once and for all. I may have to earn a pathetic living by donning the cap of The Beaver and appearing at supermarkets, but at least my father doesn't sell women's shoes.

  [Shamed, Bud and Kelly slink off] 

  The Beaver : Golly, that felt good.

• [Bud and Kelly are harassing Jerry Mathers at Foodie's] 

  Bud : Can you settle a bet between me and my sister? She says you frittered away all your money on booze and cheap women. I say donuts and cheap booze.

  The Beaver : Gimme a quarter or just go away.

• Kelly : [Beaver is having a breakdown in Foodie']  Who is this blubbering mess?

  Bud : I don't know; I think he used to be Opie.

  The Beaver : Opie was Ron Howard, you fool; I was, no, I am the Beaver!

  Boy : [Walking up to the Beaver]  Can I have your autograph, Opie?

  The Beaver : [Looks around]  Okay, that'll be two dollars; in advance.

• The Beaver : Ladies and gentlemen, it's certainly a pleasure to be here at Foodies, the store with great food, and super-low prices...

  [breaks down] 

  The Beaver : Oh, merciful heavens, won't somebody please shoot me! Somebody, please, just put a bullet through the Old Beav's head!

  Peggy : Oh, Al, look at him. He's brought so much pleasure to so many. Can't you get him a job at the shoe store?

  Al : That's all I need, Peg. Work all day with the Beaver and come home to you.

• The Beaver : [Jerry Mathers is emceeing the Foodie's shopping contest]  And remember, the winner gets a $1000 shopping spree; which, incidentally is more than I am getting for this gig. Can it be true? Isn't there room on Match Game PM for another washed up celebrity? Am I truly lower than *Charles Nelson Reilly*?