The Mary Tyler Moore Show (TV Series)
The Critic (1977)
Mary Tyler Moore: Mary Richards
Quotes
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Ted Baxter : [Ted's sitting next to Professor Karl Heller, who's about to do his first critique on the 6 O'Clock News] And now, the distinguished professor, Karl Heller. Karl; what are you going to criticise tonight?
Karl Heller : When I accepted the job as 'cultural watchdog,' to this metropolis, my immediate question was; 'what sort of people live here?' At first glance, this town might appear to be an enclave of be-knighted yahoos...
Ted Baxter : Well, I couldn't agree more...
[Ted smiles, vacuously, then gets serious-looking]
Ted Baxter : ... unless, of course that's bad.
Karl Heller : I wondered; are their cultural pretensions as vacant as their smiles? Is this really the heart, of what Mencken called the 'booboisie'?
Lou Grant : [Watching with Murray and Mary in the newsroom] He just called our entire audience 'boobs, and 'yahoos.'
Mary Richards : May-maybe that was just a teaser. May, maybe he was kidding
Karl Heller : It is said that a people get the culture they deserve. In the night's to come,we shall try to find out exactly why no first-rate art has ever been created in this vacant - but intellectually famished - arid - and sterile city.
Ted Baxter : [Ted, who's been staring at Karl, unfolds his arms and turns to the camera, and clears his throat] This is, uh... Ted Baxter
[nervously smiling]
Ted Baxter : saying 'good night,' from Phoenix, Arizona.
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Mary Richards : [At Mel's office party or, his snooty friend, Professor Karl Heller, Mary walks up to Karl as he's chatting with Sue Ann - who's circling Karl like a bumble bee - about theatre] I just love the theatre. I just saw a revival of My Fair Lady. What a perfect show
[she says effusively]
Mary Richards : .
Karl Heller : Well, I personally have nothing against derivative schmaltz
Mary Richards : [Mary, nervously replies] Granted, it did have it's flaws...
Karl Heller : [Begins replying w/out letting Mary finish, and doesn't even look in Mary's direction] But, I don't see how a marriage of second-rate Shaw, and third-rate operetta can produce anything but drivel.
[Looks at Mary]
Mary Richards : [Avoiding eye contact] Not , not a great show, by any means, but, uh
[looks at Karl]
Mary Richards : the 'costumes
[said with enthusiasm]
Karl Heller : [Looking away from Mary] Hollow pomp. Draped in fruity decadence.
[Looks at Mary]
Mary Richards : Check! I think, I'm, uh, I just get another... drink
[Mary smiles, and walks away]
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Ted Baxter : Tonight, our critic-at-large turns his attention to the TV scene. Karl.
Murray Slaughter : [Mary and Murray in the newsroom, watching on Murray's TV] Well, I wonder who Jack-The-Ripper will attack tonight.
Karl Heller : I think it is only fair that we apply the same critical standards to television that we do to anything else.
Ted Baxter : Very sound thinking.
Karl Heller : [Without looking at Ted] Thank you.I think our first task out to be to putter own house in order.
Ted Baxter : Call them the way you see them, Karl. Let the' chiperinos' fall where they may.
[Smiles]
Karl Heller : What you're watching at this very moment is a classic example of what's wrong with television in this town.
[Though Ted's smiling at Karl, he has no clue what Karl meant]
Karl Heller : It is the pursuit of personality at the expense of competence.
Ted Baxter : [All serious-faced] I'm not sure I understand.
Karl Heller : [Not even looking at Ted] I'm sure you don't.
[Ted nervously looks off-camera]
Karl Heller : Let's face I; WJM is the biggest offender in that regard. From the dowdy frumpy of The Happy Homemaker Show, to the bumbling, foot-in-the-mouth delivery of a certain anchorman
[Ted -utterly confused - slowly tuns his gaze off-camera to see if anyone knows what Karl's talking about]
Karl Heller : And backing them up, right down the line
[Murray shakes his head, as Mary looks on in disbelief]
Karl Heller : are dull writing, inept staging, and high school production methods.
[Murray looks mad, and Mary looks mad, as well]
Karl Heller : Well, there you are; the emperor has no clothes
[Ted looks too see if he's wearing clothes, then again, looks off-camera, confused]
Karl Heller : Tomorrow, we shall look at some other stations in town, and see if they fair any better. Meanwhile this is Karl Heller saying; let the viewer beware.
Mary Richards : [Murray turns the TV off] 'High school production methods?'
Murray Slaughter : 'Dull writing.' Buy, he didn't miss anybody, did he?
Lou Grant : [Lou's door opens, and he slams his door, and walks to Murray] Murray; be a good guy, and go buy me a gun.
[Lou pulls out a wad of cash, and hands it to Murray]
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Maitre D' : Is something the matter with the wine, sir?
Karl Heller : It's corked, cloudy, bitter, over-priced, and totally unacceptable.
Mary Richards : Maybe that first swallow just went down the wrong way.