- Nugart Neville 'Noogie' Lamont: Anytime, anytime y'all need the Noog-man? You know where I'll be at, you know? You know what I'm sayin'? Ha ha ha ha! What's my name? Noo-gie!
- [begins rapping as he gets in car with his girlfriend]
- Nugart Neville 'Noogie' Lamont: Say the beat don't stop 'til the break of dawn, I say skip, child, what can I say? I can't feel the mornin' inside my OJ! So I just take half, suss the mic... Trick or trail! I said, hey, baby, by the way, what's your name? She said I go by the name of Lois Lane. You can be my boyfriend, you surely can, Just let me call my boyfriend Superman. I said he's a fairy, I do suppose, fly through the air in panty-hose...
- [continues rapping as car drives off]
- [last lines]
- Detective Ricardo Tubbs: Nugart Neville Lamont.
- Detective James Crockett: The antidote to civilization.
- [Tubbs laughs]
- Detective James Crockett: Let's go see Jake.
- Detective Ricardo Tubbs: Oh boy, I tell ya... it takes all kinds to make a world, you know?
- [laughs]
- Detective James Crockett: [referring to getting out of jail if Lamont agrees to set up an introduction w/ Maxwell] It's your only way out, Lamont.
- Nugart Neville 'Noogie' Lamont: Out? Who wants out? Three squares a day, stimulating conversation, daytime soaps, and a great dental plan. Besides, I'm a lover not a fighter.
- [first lines]
- Detective James Crockett: [sighs] I refuse to believe that it's 5:00 in the morning.
- Detective Ricardo Tubbs: I refuse to believe that two hours of, witty conversation, and non-stop charm, have been terminated because you decided to play Dudley Do-Right... She was all over me, Crockett. I mean, that woman was so fine she could kick-start a 747.
- Nugart Neville 'Noogie' Lamont: I've been doin' some thinkin'. I'm much too young and too fine to do any more time. So, I'm gonna do you fellas a favor.
- Detective James Crockett: Like what? Put a sock in your mouth?
- Detective Ricardo Tubbs: [referring to Lamont, a wannabe informer] You trust this dude?
- Detective James Crockett: Man, you'd better get used to working with informers. Down here they account for about 80 percent of all of our cases.
- S.W.A.T. Leader: All right. We have ground entrances and exits here, here and here. There's a second story fire escape on the north end. Sharpshooter Team One will be posted at 2401. Team Two, 2403, Team Three, 2400, Team Four, 2402. Tracy, you and your unit will handle the tear gas grenades. Coordinates will be alerted when we give our first warning with the horn.
- Detective James Crockett: Whoa. Wait a second. Do you have any idea what you're dealin' with here?
- S.W.A.T. Leader: Yeah, terrorists.
- Detective James Crockett: You start in with that bullhorn routine, and Lamont's a dead man.
- S.W.A.T. Leader: None of my men are risking their hides for some lowlife. Unless you've a better idea in mind, I'd like to move on now.
- Detective James Crockett: Yeah, well, he's my lowlife, pal, and we put him into this spot, and I don't want him dead.
- Detective Ricardo Tubbs: The man's sayin', we got somethin' else in mind.
- Detective James Crockett: [Crockett and Tubbs encounter "Noogie" Lamont coming out of the hospital] Hey, Noogie. We was just on our way to see you, man.
- Detective Ricardo Tubbs: Hey, glad to see you're all right, man.
- Nugart Neville 'Noogie' Lamont: You guys are too late. I'm outta here.
- Detective Ricardo Tubbs: [handing him a large box] I brought you a present.
- Nugart Neville 'Noogie' Lamont: You know, you guys are somethin' else, you know that? You try to get me bumped by three crazed Jamaicans, and you buy me a box of candy and you think everything's cool? Let me see what kind of candy this is.
- Nugart Neville 'Noogie' Lamont: [opens the box] Turtles? I HATE turtles, man! You know what I'm sayin'?
- Nugart Neville 'Noogie' Lamont: You know, you guys are lucky I see the overall picture. I understand the nature of our relationship. You know what I'm sayin'? You use me one time, and I'll use you the next.
- Detective James Crockett: Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. What do you mean? *What* relationship?
- Nugart Neville 'Noogie' Lamont: Right. I'm a walking communications network in designer jeans, baby! I was thinking of a five percent split... but we've gotta' think of expenses, dental and pensions.