Midsomer Murders (TV Series)

Dead in the Water (2004)

Jane Wymark: Joyce Barnaby

Quotes 

• [DCI Tom Barnaby is at home, watching a confiscated pornographic videotape, when Joyce Barnaby enters] 

  DCI Tom Barnaby : I think you're a bit young to be watching this.

  Joyce Barnaby : Where's this come from?

  DCI Tom Barnaby : This?... Um... Some oik is using this to blackmail one of our suspects. Suspect playing the lead.

  [Tom and Joyce Barnaby crane their necks in unison, following the on-screen action] 

  Joyce Barnaby : Is that him?

  DCI Tom Barnaby : That's him.

  [They continue watching with rapt attention] 

  DCI Tom Barnaby : Early night?

  [Joyce giggles] 

• Cully Barnaby : Typical family day out, really. We arrive somewhere and ten minutes later a serious crime is committed. Exit the old man.

  Joyce Barnaby : I think he plans it that way.

• [first lines] 

  DCI Tom Barnaby : Oh no. The world and his wife's here.

  Cully Barnaby : Kind of the idea, Dad. Couple of drinks, though, and you won't notice them.

  Joyce Barnaby : [referring to passing yacht]  Now that's the sort of thing, Tom. Only maybe more old-fashioned and stylish.

  DCI Tom Barnaby : Yeah, that'll be it. Your mother thinks I need to relax more; weekends on the river, our own boat perhaps.

  Cully Barnaby : It's a good idea. D'you know, there's loads for sale in the local paper.

  DCI Tom Barnaby : Is this a conspiracy? In my job you get ten years for that.

• [Joyce Barnaby and Cully Barnaby are looking over the boats as they walk along the riverside] 

  Joyce Barnaby : That one would be too modern for your father. He'll want brass and mahogany everywhere.

  [spies a decrepit old yacht] 

  Joyce Barnaby : Like that one for example.

  Cully Barnaby : It's a bit tatty, mom.

  Joyce Barnaby : Oh... Nothing a coat of varnish won't cure!

• DCI Tom Barnaby : This is my way of apologizing for yesterday. You don't mind if Scott joins us, do you? I'm trying to domesticate him.

  Joyce Barnaby : No, not at all.