- Hector: [At breakfast] Where are my Marmite soldiers?
- Lexie McTavish: I had them court martialed and shot.
- Hector: I always have Marmite soldiers with my boiled egg!
- Lexie McTavish: Bairns will be bairns.
- Hector: I am Hector Naismith MacDonald, 14th chief of an ancient line. Laird of Glenbogle, Ochintummel and Blawearie. Or to you girl just plain "Sir".
- Lexie McTavish: Ach, away and play with your lineage.
- Hector: Tell me, how's that bar of yours doing?
- Molly MacDonald: Hector, behave.
- Archie: It's not a bar, it's a restaurant. It opened last night.
- Hector: Never thought a son of mine would turn out a publican. I blame that awful Thatcher woman.
- Molly MacDonald: Hector, must you be so rude?
- Hector: Bad behaviour is one of the few privileges of old age.
- Golly Mackenzie: Right, gentlemen. We're about to come up to the beasts, so keep low and don't even fart unless I give you permission.