Monty Python's Flying Circus (TV Series)

Michael Ellis (1974)

Michael Palin: Second Store Assistant, Mr. Hartford, 'University of the Air' Announcer, Surgeon, Lift Woman, Queen Victoria, Mr. Bradford, Complaints Manager

Quotes 

• Customer : What do you feed them on?

  Second Store Assistant : Blancmange.

  Customer : Blancmange?

  Second Store Assistant : I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that. Ah no, you don't feed them at all.

  Customer : What do they live on?

  Second Store Assistant : They don't, they die.

  Customer : They die?

  Second Store Assistant : Of course they do, if you don't feed them.

• Complaints Manager : Take a seat, I'm sorry it's on fire.

• Second Store Assistant : So sir that is, if I may say so, 184 pounds 1 and a half p, sir.

  Customer : Oh, will you take a check?

  Second Store Assistant : Ah yes sir, if you don't mind leaving a blood sample, and uh, a piece of skin off the back of the scalp, just here sir. Sorry it's just for identification, you know, can't be too careful.

  Customer : I think I'll put it on account.

  Second Store Assistant : I should think so, much less painful.