The Muppet Show (TV Series)

Juliet Prowse (1977)

Frank Oz: Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Snowths, Mildred, George, Feather Boa Constrictor

Quotes 

• Kermit the Frog : Muppy? Scooter? You're on next.

  Scooter : It's no use Kermit. Muppy says if you won't change the title of the show he's not going on. He's locked himself in his dressing room, and he's not coming out.

  Kermit the Frog : Yeah, but the Simon Smith number is next.

  Scooter : I know. I know.

  Kermit the Frog : What are we going to do?

  Fozzie Bear : Kermit. How come I'm not doing an act this week?

  Kermit the Frog : Congratulations Fozzie. You're doing an act this week.

  Fozzie Bear : Sometimes I can be very persuasive.

• Flower Eating Monster : Mind if I smoke?

  Female Dancer : If you insist.

  Flower Eating Monster : Thanks.

  [smoke comes bellowing out of the monsters nose filling the ballroom and causing the other dancers to cough] 

  Flower Eating Monster : Smokes not bothering you is it?

  Mildred : Manager!

• Kermit the Frog : Stand by for the Western Sketch.

  Fozzie Bear : Hey Kermit.

  [doing a bad John Wayne impression] 

  Fozzie Bear : Does this sound like John Wayne?

  Kermit the Frog : Will you get on stage Fozzie?

• Fozzie Bear : Hey, have I got an opening joke for you tonight!

  [laughs] 

  Fozzie Bear : Oh, you're gonna love this... There's two kinda...

  [gets cut off by the closing curtain] 

• Rowlf : All right don't make a move I got you covered. Throw down your pickles!

  Fozzie Bear : Okay. I don't need guns to fight you. I'll get you with my knife.

  [pulls out a carrot] 

  Rowlf : Will you stop with the vegetables.

• Fozzie Bear : Oh, you shouldn't have done that. I am a desperate bear ready for desperate measures.

  [pulls out an apple with a lit fuse] 

  Rowlf : Oh no!

  Bartender : It's an apple!

  Rowlf : And don't tell me...?

  Fozzie Bear : Yes. The fuse is lit. The fuse is lit?

  [the apple explodes] 

• Scooter : Seen at the nicest places where well fed faces all stop to stare/Making the grandest entrance is Simon Smith and his Dancing Bear. They'll love us.

  Fozzie Bear : Won't they?

  Scooter : They feed us.

  Fozzie Bear : Don't they?

  Scooter : Oh, who would think a boy and bear could be well accepted everywhere/It's just amazing how fair people can be.

• Scooter : Oh, who needs money?

  Fozzie Bear : When we're funny? Hah!

  Scooter : The great attraction everywhere would be Simon Smith and his dancing Bear. It's Simon Smith and his Amazing Dancing Bear.

  Fozzie Bear : Together. Yes. Oh yes!

• Mahna Mahna : Mahna-Mahna!

  The Snowths : Du-doo-du-doo-du!

• Fozzie Bear : Alright everybody. Reach for the floor. This is a stick down.

  Bartender : You're confused kid. You ain't got no guns. Those are pickles. There he is: the Fastest Gerkin in the West.

• Mildred : You're such a smooth dancer. Ever since we've started I feel like my feet have never touched the floor.

  George : They haven't. You've been standing on mine!

• Fozzie Bear : Hey, have I got an opening joke for you tonight.

  [laughs] 

  Fozzie Bear : Oh, you're going to love this... There's two kinda...

  [Curtain closes] 

• Kermit : Piggy, honey?

  Miss Piggy : Hmm?

  Kermit : You can take the solo.

  Miss Piggy : Yes, my love.

  Kermit : Here we go.

  Miss Piggy : [to the pig next to her]  I love him.