The Muppet Show (TV Series)
Juliet Prowse (1977)
Richard Hunt: Scooter, Statler, Miss Piggy, Pigs, Bartender, Frogs
Quotes
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Kermit the Frog : Muppy? Scooter? You're on next.
Scooter : It's no use Kermit. Muppy says if you won't change the title of the show he's not going on. He's locked himself in his dressing room, and he's not coming out.
Kermit the Frog : Yeah, but the Simon Smith number is next.
Scooter : I know. I know.
Kermit the Frog : What are we going to do?
Fozzie Bear : Kermit. How come I'm not doing an act this week?
Kermit the Frog : Congratulations Fozzie. You're doing an act this week.
Fozzie Bear : Sometimes I can be very persuasive.
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Waldorf : Well, what did you think?
Statler : Beats sitting around watching television.
Mahna Mahna : Mahna Mahna!
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Scooter : Hey boss, Muppy and I wanted to talk to you about the act we're doing on the show tonight.
Kermit the Frog : Scooter, you're not doing an act on the show tonight.
Scooter : Gee, my uncle who owns the theatre thought of this act.
Kermit the Frog : Tell us about the act you're doing on the show tonight.
Scooter : Oh, it's called "Simon Smith and His Amazing Dancing Dog". Yeah, I sing this song see, and Muppy here does this cute, adorable, sweet, sugary little dance.
Kermit the Frog : Well, it sounds says the frog displaying his artistic judgment: sappy.
Scooter : Gee, my uncle thought it was...
Kermit the Frog : It sounds says the frog displaying his will to survive: wonderful.
Scooter : Yeah, it's great. You'll love it.
Kermit the Frog : Certainly. I've often thought of Muppy here as about the cutest little fellow around.
[Muppy attacks Kermit and bites him]
Scooter : He thinks as himself as a killer.
Kermit the Frog : Let me out of here!
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Fozzie Bear : Oh, you shouldn't have done that. I am a desperate bear ready for desperate measures.
[pulls out an apple with a lit fuse]
Rowlf : Oh no!
Bartender : It's an apple!
Rowlf : And don't tell me...?
Fozzie Bear : Yes. The fuse is lit. The fuse is lit?
[the apple explodes]
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Scooter : Okay, Kemit. Now that Muppy is doing the big Simon Smith number, he has one other suggestion.
Kermit the Frog : Listen, I already gave him his own dressing room. What more does he want?
Scooter : Well, it's about the title of the show. Look.
[holds up a sign saying 'The Muppy Show']
Kermit the Frog : 'The Muppy Show'?
[screams]
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Scooter : I may go out tomorrow if I can borrow a coat to wear/Oh, I'd step out in style with my sincere smile and my dancing bear/Outrageous, alarming/Courageous, charming/Oh, who would think a boy and bear could be well accepted everywhere/It's just amazing how fair people can be.
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Scooter : Seen at the nicest places where well fed faces all stop to stare/Making the grandest entrance is Simon Smith and his Dancing Bear. They'll love us.
Fozzie Bear : Won't they?
Scooter : They feed us.
Fozzie Bear : Don't they?
Scooter : Oh, who would think a boy and bear could be well accepted everywhere/It's just amazing how fair people can be.
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Scooter : Oh, who needs money?
Fozzie Bear : When we're funny? Hah!
Scooter : The great attraction everywhere would be Simon Smith and his dancing Bear. It's Simon Smith and his Amazing Dancing Bear.
Fozzie Bear : Together. Yes. Oh yes!
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Scooter : Kermit, Muppy wants you to know he's very sorry he bit you.
Kermit the Frog : Oh, yeah.
Scooter : He wants you to know he's very grateful you're letting him do the Simon Smith number.
Kermit the Frog : Oh, well that's nice.
Scooter : He wants you to know he wants his own dressing room and star billing.
Kermit the Frog : Who is this crazy dog?
Scooter : He's my uncles favorite pet!
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Miss Piggy : Do you prefer Shakespeare to Bacon?
Pig : I prefer anything to bacon.
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Fozzie Bear : Alright everybody. Reach for the floor. This is a stick down.
Bartender : You're confused kid. You ain't got no guns. Those are pickles. There he is: the Fastest Gerkin in the West.
