The Muppet Show (TV Series)

Candice Bergen (1976)

Frank Oz: Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Animal, George, Mildred, Sam the Eagle

Quotes 

• Candice Bergen : She was so unsophisticated, she thought Marcello Mastroianni was an Italian soup.

  [entire panel laughs hysterically except for Sam] 

  Sam the American Eagle : You mean it isn't an Italian soup?

  Mildred : And he calls himself a world traveler?

  Sam the American Eagle : No, now wait, I have been to restaurants where I've ordered Marcello Mastroianni, and I've gotten it.

  Candice Bergen : Really? What did you get?

  Sam the American Eagle : A swarthy, good-looking man sitting in a bowl. I always send him back.

  Candice Bergen : What do you get when you order a Russian dressing? Rudolf Nureyev putting on his tights?

• Miss Piggy : Kermit, do you notice that every time we have a beautiful girl on the show, you forget about me?

  Kermit : Uh, yeah, well, we could have a seal act on the show, and I might forget about you.

  Miss Piggy : He tries so desperately to hide his love for me.

• Fozzie Bear : Hey, question: What has 1,000 legs but can't walk? Five hundred pairs of pants!

• Fozzie Bear : Letter for Kermit the Frog! Letter for Kermit the Frog! Letter for Ker- Are you Kermit the Frog?

  Kermit : You know I am, Fozzie.

  [Fozzie holds up a wooden letter "R"] 

  Fozzie Bear : Ah! Ah! Letter! Ah! Funny! Funny! Ah!

  [Fozzie leaves. Kermit grimaces, unamused] 

  Kermit : Someday I'm gonna get him. I don't know how, but I'm going to get him.