The Muppet Show (TV Series)

Paul Williams (1976)

Jim Henson: Kermit the Frog, Waldorf, Rowlf, The Newsman

Quotes 

• Waldorf : Eh, this show is good for what ails me.

  Statler : Well, what ails ya?

  Waldorf : Insomnia.

• Waldorf : Science, huh? They can put a man on the moon...

  Statler : Yeah, but they can't put a moon on a man!

• Waldorf : [responding to Paul Williams doing "Old Fashioned Love Song"]  He's a credit to his race.

  Statler : What race is that?

  Waldorf : The hundred-yard dash.

• The Newsman : Muppet News Flash! Arnold Stockman, a retired shoe salesman, recently had a most unusual experience, and we at Muppet News Central feel it is a story that should be shared with everyone. Here in his own words is Mr. Stockman to tell you this most bizarre event.

  [a screen in the corner turns on, revealing Paul Williams as Arnold Stockman] 

  Arnold Stockman : Well, it was about a week ago. I was sitting at home watching television. Must have been about 9:00. Suddenly, the phone rang. Well, I picked it up, but there wasn't anybody there. So I hung up and then I went back to watching the television. Darnedest thing.

  The Newsman : Well, now, whenever unusual events occur, you'll hear it first on Muppet News.