The Muppet Show (TV Series)

Tony Randall (1980)

Jim Henson: Kermit the Frog, Dr. Teeth, Waldorf, Link Hogthrob, Muppet Newsman, Accordion Player

Quotes 

• Kermit the Frog : But first, come with us back to the days of the caveman, where every woman wore furs, every man had a private club, and backyard barbecues were truly mammoth!

• Kermit the Frog : If you have tears, prepare to shed them, as our very special guest brings us a literary recitation. Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Randall.

• Kermit the Frog : Oh, okay, guys, enough with these cheap shots.

  Floyd Pepper : Aw, come on! I got another page to go here!

  [holds up paper] 

• Statler : I once knew a whole chorus line that was turned to stone.

  Waldorf : What chorus line was that?

  Statler : The Rockettes.

  [they both laugh] 

• The Newsman : Here's a Muppet News Flash. Orchestra leader Zuben Beckmesser was nearly electrocuted at the Metropolitan Opera today when he absentmindedly inserted his baton into an electrical outlet.

  [an orchestra conductor walks up, holding a baton, his hair messed up and his body shaking; the Newsman sees him] 

  The Newsman : Uh, Mr. Beckmesser, I understand, according to doctors, you would've died instantly had you not been such a poor conductor.

  [the Newsman laughs at his own joke; the conductor jams his baton in the Newsman's nose] 

  The Newsman : I'm sorry! I take it back!

  [the conductor nods and removes his baton]