- [Tony Randall has found a spell that turns statues into pigs]
- Tony Randall: Pigskin.
- [Miss Piggy is transformed back to normal]
- Miss Piggy: Who you calling "pigskin", fish-face?
- Kermit the Frog: But first, come with us back to the days of the caveman, where every woman wore furs, every man had a private club, and backyard barbecues were truly mammoth!
- Kermit the Frog: If you have tears, prepare to shed them, as our very special guest brings us a literary recitation. Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Randall.
- Announcer: [voice over] Tune in next time, when we ask the question: why did you tune in this time to Pigs... In... Space!
- Kermit the Frog: Oh, okay, guys, enough with these cheap shots.
- Floyd Pepper: Aw, come on! I got another page to go here!
- [holds up paper]
- The Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash. Orchestra leader Zuben Beckmesser was nearly electrocuted at the Metropolitan Opera today when he absentmindedly inserted his baton into an electrical outlet.
- [an orchestra conductor walks up, holding a baton, his hair messed up and his body shaking; the Newsman sees him]
- The Newsman: Uh, Mr. Beckmesser, I understand, according to doctors, you would've died instantly had you not been such a poor conductor.
- [the Newsman laughs at his own joke; the conductor jams his baton in the Newsman's nose]
- The Newsman: I'm sorry! I take it back!
- [the conductor nods and removes his baton]