The Muppet Show (TV Series)
Loretta Swit (1980)
Jim Henson: Kermit the Frog, Waldorf, Link Hogthrob, Rowlf, Brown Bear
Quotes
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Kermit the Frog : Piggy, have you been planting items about us in the gossip papers again?
Miss Piggy : Um... well... uh... uh... what would make you think a thing like that?
Kermit the Frog : The photographer who was just here, he was from Tongue Magazine.
Miss Piggy : Oh. Uh-huh... Well, it was just a little teeny-tiny item.
Kermit the Frog : [getting angry] It was a cover story about us being secretly married!
Miss Piggy : Just a little slight exaggeration.
Kermit the Frog : [shouting] That's a bald-faced lie, Piggy! I will not stand around while you do dumb things like that, Piggy! You have done that to me too many times, Piggy! I will not stand for it! I Will not stand for it!
Miss Piggy : Well, what are you going to do?
Kermit the Frog : [still shouting] I'll tell you what I'm going to do, Piggy: I'm going to fire you! Piggy, you are fired! You are fired, Piggy! You are fired! fired!
[breathes heavily]
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[after Kermit fired Miss Piggy]
Loretta Swit : Kermit, you can't just pick her up and throw her out in the snow.
Kermit the Frog : Not without a forklift, I can't!
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Loretta Swit : Oh, now, Kermit, you know how important Miss Piggy is to this show.
Kermit the Frog : Well...
Loretta Swit : And, Miss Piggy, you know you wouldn't be happy anywhere else.
Miss Piggy : Hmmm...
Loretta Swit : Aw, so come on now, let's sing a nice, warm, lovely together song.
Kermit the Frog : I hate sappy songs like that!
Loretta Swit : Alright then, why don't you two just kiss and make up?
Kermit the Frog : Well, let's sing the sappy song!
Miss Piggy : You don't make it easy, Frog!
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Miss Piggy : [Kermit just shouted at Piggy that he is firing her] You're not kidding?
Kermit the Frog : [shouting] I am not kidding!
Miss Piggy : But... But I'm in the next number!
Kermit the Frog : I will cancel...
[calling out]
Kermit the Frog : Cancel the next number! Put on the Snorers' Chorus instead. Snorers? Snorers' Chorus, get the Snorers' Chorus on stage!
[the crew bring the Snorers' Chorus out on the stage]
Miss Piggy : Hold it! Wait a minute, wait a minute, it's my number! You can't fire me, I'm the star!
Kermit the Frog : You can be replaced, Piggy.
Miss Piggy : Oh, oh, I see! Just try!
Kermit the Frog : I will, I will! I will replace you!
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Loretta Swit : Who's going to replace someone with Talent, Section, and Verb?
Kermit the Frog : [Calmly] Well, in Vet's Hospital, I wonder if you can be in it?
Loretta Swit : [gasps] I'd love to!
Kermit the Frog : Oh, good!
Loretta Swit : Will they fit?
Kermit the Frog : Oh, Yes! Anybody can do that!
Tongue Magazine Photographer : Miss Piggy, do you work here?
Miss Piggy : Hai-Yay!
[Kicks the photographer]
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Loretta Swit : You know, I hope nobody out there believes that I was really trying to take over for Miss Piggy.
Kermit the Frog : Oh, no, no, no.
Loretta Swit : Because you know, when a great actress and a great star has developed a role, it's impossible for another actress to fill her shoes.
Miss Piggy : [Comes out dressed as "Hot Lips" Houlihan] Ha ha ha ha!
[looks down]
Miss Piggy : Funny, the shoes don't fit.
