- [first lines]
- [Michael breaks the living room window with a bazooka]
- Susan: What the hell was that?
- Michael: Um, if I said it was nothing, would you believe me?
- Susan: Michael!
- Michael: All right, it was for my science project... on organic foods.
- Susan: [spacing each word] You fired a rocket through a window?
- Michael: Come on, Mum. Do you think I'm so stupid I'd launch a rocket through our living room window? It was a sausage.
- Susan: Michael, you could have killed someone!
- Michael: It was an organic sausage.
- Susan: That's it. You're grounded until further notice.
- Michael: Grounded?
- Susan: Michael, you could've taken someone's eye out.
- Michael: Don't be silly, it exploded before it hit anything.
- Susan: [Thinks] Did Nick put you up to this?
- Michael: Actually, we had been planning to start up our own high-speed food delivery service.
- [Abi runs into the house]
- Abi: You're not gonna believe this! I was getting off the bus, when it started raining sausage! I have prayed for this day.
- Michael: See? Our first satisfied customer.
- Susan: Give it up, Ben. I'm a chess player, and I'm thinking three moves ahead of you.
- Ben Harper: I'm playing Scrabble.
- [Ben has just seen what his family's life would be like if he had never been born]
- Ben: What's your - I don't believe I don't know this; what's your name?
- Clarence: Clarence.
- Ben: No! That's weird.
- Clarence: I never liked it either. I always see myself as more of a... Todd.
- Ben: No, i mean... My ear's better. It's like that film, you know, the film...
- Clarence: Reservoir Dogs.
- Ben: No, no, the one Susan makes me watch at Christmas, uh, with James Stewart.
- Clarence: Vertigo
- Ben: No, no, the other one.
- Clarence: The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence.
- Ben: Doesn't matter.
- Clarence: The Glenn Miller Story.
- Ben: It doesn't matter! I'm going to go home.
- [gathers his clothes]
- Ben: Yeah, I'm going home.
- [pause]
- Ben: How can I ever thank you, Clarence?
- Clarence: Well, there's an odds bin just around the corner...
- [Ben leaves]
- Clarence: Hey, that's my blanket!
- [sound of a bell]
- Clarence: And every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.
- [last lines]
- Susan: Coffee?
- [timer dings]
- Ben: Ha, did you hear that? A bell. Know what that means?
- Abi: [calls from the kitchen] Porridge is ready!
- Susan: Why don't you go back to bed? I'll bring your coffee up.
- Ben: No. It'll be my pleasure.
- Susan: You have been in a good mood these past few days.
- Ben: Hm, something's changed. And I don't know what it is.
- [Ben and Susan exit]
- Nick: [Nick bursts through the floor with Pamela] We're in!