Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)

Attack of the Giant Leeches (1992)

Trace Beaulieu: Crow T. Robot, Dr. Clayton Forrester

Quotes 

• Dr. Forrester : Ah! Robinson, Servo, Mr. T. Robot! Our invention this week is inspired by this week's experiment, "Attack of the Giant Leeches". In ye olden times, alchemists believed that leeches served medicinal purposes.

  TV's Frank : So do we!

  Dr. Forrester : Uh, yes um, we found that the common fresh water leech uh, can serve the same purpose as a nicotine patch, and being neither food nor drug, there's no pesky FDA regulation to impede your progress and I can experiment at will. Frank?

  TV's Frank : At your service.

  Dr. Forrester : Our subject, Frank, has been trying to quit smoking for quite some time. He's a three pack-a-day man.

  TV's Frank : No I'm not!

  Dr. Forrester : Yes you are, shut up. Now this leech, we'll call him Patches...

  TV's Frank : Yah!

  Dr. Forrester : When applied to the neck or head area, will suck any desire to smoke out of Frank.

  TV's Frank : No, no, no, no! No! No! No, I'm the sum of my vices! I have my pain, my happiness, my losses, my love! My struggles, my hobbies, my lent! I want to live! I want to live! I want to live! And love! And learn! And live!

  Dr. Forrester : But this won't hurt a bit.

  TV's Frank : Oh, Ok.

  Dr. Forrester : Uh, there you go. Now, Patches, I'm depending on you, ya slug!

  TV's Frank : Say, this is the most action I've ever got.

• Dr. Forrester : Oh sorry, Frank, I left the leech on too long! Well, Frank... Frank?

  [to the leech] 

  Dr. Forrester : Well, now that you've sucked all the blood out of Frank, what are you gonna do now?

• Unga Khan : Call out the imperial guard!

  Crow T. Robot : And kill the dorky guy! I hate comic relief!

• Crow T. Robot : This looks like the right side of the wrong side of the tracks.

• [last lines] 

  Giant Leech : Maybe we could do lunch.

  Dr. Forrester : Sure.

  Giant Leech : Think you could pick it up? I'm flat busted. You know, I'd really love to produce you. I have this concept that maybe we could...

  [his voice fades as they walk off camera]