The Nanny (TV Series)

Christmas Episode (1993)

Fran Drescher: Fran Fine

Photos 

Quotes 

• Fran Fine : [to a Priest in a confessional]  Forgive me Father, for I have shopped.

  Priest : I don't know the penance for that. I suppose you could say ten Hail Macy's.

• Maxwell Sheffield : [Fran's helping decorate the tree]  Miss Fine, what do you think you're doing?

  Fran Fine : I'm putting a tinsel on.

  Brighton Sheffield : [gasps]  Not before the lights!

  Fran Fine : Did I make a faux pas?

  Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield : Lights go on first, then ornaments, and tinsel is always last.

  Grace Sheffield : Daddy's very anal about decorations.

• Fran Fine : [back from ice skating]  Kids, take your wet clothes off and put them in the hamper.

  Niles : No wet clothes for you, Miss Fine?

  Fran Fine : I didn't fall.

  Grace Sheffield : She didn't skate.

  Niles : [Glances to Fran, smiling]  And yet such a lovely ensemble.

  Fran Fine : Oh, you should see what I wear when I don't play tennis.

• Fran Fine : Look Gracie, Santa took a bite out of the cookies we left him.

  Grace Sheffield : I didn't know Santa wears red lipstick.

  Fran Fine : The man gets out of the house once a year, live and let live.

• Fran Fine : [opens Maggie's homemade present which is a big material sunflower]  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

  Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield : It's a pajama holder.

  Fran Fine : Ahhhh! And I don't already have one.

  Niles : Because you don't wear pajamas.

  Fran Fine : You have just dusted your last keyhole, mister.

• Fran Fine : Niles, you old Scrooge. Get into the Christmas spirit.

  Niles : Spoken by one who doesn't have to clean it all up.

  Fran Fine : Oh, that's the thing about Hanukkah: eight candles and a Menorah. No fuss, no muss.

  Niles : Is it too late to convert?

  Fran Fine : Never! We'll get you a Bar Mitzvah and of course a circumcision.

  Niles : Suddenly I'm filled with the Christmas spirit.

• Fran Fine : Oh, Mister Sheffield, do you really have to go out of town for the holidays?

  C.C. Babcock : Yes, he does.

  Fran Fine : [Sarcastically]  I love the way you throw your voice like that.

  Maxwell Sheffield : I'm afraid I have to, Miss Fine.

  C.C. Babcock : [Smugly]  It's a very important benefit. We're raising money for the...

  [pauses to think] 

  C.C. Babcock : Who are we raising money for? The poor, right?

  Maxwell Sheffield : Miss Fine, I'd love to be with the family Christmas Day, but I'm afraid I just can't.

  C.C. Babcock : We can't.

  Fran Fine : [to C.C]  You're going, too?

  C.C. Babcock : [Smiling with a triumphant look]  Uh-huh.

  Maxwell Sheffield : Well, we'll be working the entire time.

  C.C. Babcock : Well, I think we'll have time for dinner.

  Maxwell Sheffield : No. No dinner. The only reason I'm going away with Miss Babcock is for charity.

  C.C. Babcock : [Offended]  Thank you, Maxwell.

  Maxwell Sheffield : Well, you know what I mean.

  C.C. Babcock : No. No, I don't.

  Fran Fine : [to C.C]  What do you need, to be hit over the head?

• Val Toriello : Are you hanging up stockings?

  Fran Fine : No, I thought we'd use a pair of my Hanes because then we get doubles.

• Fran Fine : One year we begged my mother for a Christmas tree. She called it a Hanukkah bush. P. S. , the candles from the menorah set the flocking on fire and the fumes put my father into the emergency room.

  Niles : A variation on the burning bush classic.

  Fran Fine : My mother took the whole thing as a sign from God, and from there on in, we spend every Christmas at the Fountainbleu in Miami Beach.

  [pause] 

  Fran Fine : To this day I can't get a whiff of Ban d' Solei without having a yen for eggnog.

• Fran Fine : Oh, cranberries on a string! How beautiful. I wonder who thought of this tradition...

  Niles : Probably Ocean Spray.

  [Both laugh] 

• Fran Fine : [about Maxwell wanting to celebrate Christmas one day earlier]  He's moving Christmas? You can do that?

  Niles : They do it for Washington's birthday.

  Fran Fine : Well, I never got that either. I mean, you go to all that trouble fathering a nation and before you know it, you're sharing the third Monday in February with Lincoln and a white sale.

• Fran Fine : So the nanny gets a bonus, too?

  [Niles nods] 

  Fran Fine : Oh, that's good news, because you know, I really wanted to buy each of the kids something fabulous. But have you seen the cost of fabulous nowadays?

  Niles : Please. I can't even afford wonderful. Fortunately, Mister Sheffield is very generous.

  Fran Fine : Well, if he thinks that writing a check is gonna make up for his not being here...

  Niles : Four figures, Miss Fine.

  Fran Fine : Oh, well, glory to the newborn king!

• Fran Fine : I gotta go talk to Mister Sheffield.

  Niles : Well, I hope you're not going to upset him. He's writing out the staff Christmas bonuses.

  Fran Fine : Oh, how do you know?

  Niles : Well, did you think the keyholes polish themselves?

• Fran Fine : If you did believe in Santa, what would you want him to bring you?

  Grace Sheffield : Daddy for Christmas.

  Fran Fine : Oh... Well, how about a nice Easy Bake oven?

• Niles : [Fran's bought many gift for Maggie, Brighton and Grace]  What did you do? Win the lottery?

  Fran Fine : I wish. More like rubber checks.

  [Niles gives her a disapproving look] 

  Fran Fine : Don't worry, I'm not gonna let them bounce. Tomorrow I'll get my Christmas bonus. Saturday and Sunday the banks are closed. Monday I'll make an instant deposit, and I've done my share to stimulate the economy.

  Niles : Don't you have a credit card?

  Fran Fine : Not since my little run in with Edward Scissorhands at Macy's.

• Fran Fine : [about Mr. Sheffield not being home for Christmas]  At least he only has to work Christmas. My sister is a caterer, she has to work every single holiday. Thank God we fast on Yom Kippur or we'd never see her.

• Pauly the Pawnbroker : [In Pauly's paw shop]  What you got? Something I can unload? A VCR? A nice semi-automatic weapon?

  Fran Fine : Pauly, don't you know a valuable antique when you see it? This one here is practically

  [pauses trying to find some classy adjective] 

  Fran Fine : Elizabethan!

  Pauly the Pawnbroker : Elizabeth Taylor?

  Fran Fine : No. Liz the queen.

  Pauly the Pawnbroker : Uh, no can do. If you said Elizabeth Montgomery, you know "Bewitched", then I can do it.

  Val Toriello : Oh, Paulie, will you please buy the vase? The woman owes the world. She's desperate. We'll take anything.

  Fran Fine : And that, Val, is why you cannot find a partner for Bridge.

• Fran Fine , Maxwell Sheffield , C.C. Babcock , Niles , Maggie Sheffield , Brighton Sheffield , Grace Sheffield : [singing all together]  And a partridge in a pear tree!

  Fran Fine : Oh, that's a weird song. I mean, five golden rings I can understand. Ten lords a leaping, I am there. But what's with all the birds? I mean, French hens, turtle doves, six geese a laying. Who wants to see that?