NCIS (TV Series)

Split Decision (2004)

Michael Weatherly: Anthony DiNozzo

Photos 

Quotes 

• DiNozzo : [Tony gets off elevator, spots McGee at computer]  McGee, are you nuts?

  Timothy McGee : What?

  DiNozzo : You're at Gibbs's desk, touching his computer! That's like touching... the Ark of the Covenant!

  Timothy McGee : Gibbs knows I'm doing this.

  DiNozzo : He said you could use his computer?

  Timothy McGee : Uh huh.

  DiNozzo : Really! You know, when mine fried, he wouldn't let me touch his.

  Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : [entering from offscreen]  'Cause your fingers were always greasy from fried chicken and pizza. How's it going?

  Timothy McGee : Bringing it online now, boss.

  DiNozzo : What?

  Timothy McGee : Yearbook photos from every British university taken between '87 and '97.

  DiNozzo : Who said our terrorist was British?

  Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : Ducky. Thought his syntax suggested higher education in the British Isles.

  DiNozzo : Well, maybe he grew up watching tons of Cary Grant movies.

  [Gibbs slaps Tony's head] 

• [after learning that the victim had a log go through a pre-existing hole in his gut] 

  Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : I guess ring toss just isn't enough for some people.

• [Tony is trying to persuade Gibbs to give him an undercover assignment] 

  DiNozzo : Let's face it, I'm a more believable scumbag than you.

  Caitlin 'Kate' Todd : No argument here.

• Abby Sciuto : Even though the drive was reformatted, all the information it contained is still here. It's just a matter of Humpty-Dumptying it.

  DiNozzo : I thought they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

  Caitlin 'Kate' Todd : That's because the king only had horses and *men*.

  [Abby snickers] 

• A.T.F. Special Agent Malina Stone : Are you always this subtle when you're leering at women?

  Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Well, leering, by definition, is not supposed to be subtle.

• A.T.F. Special Agent Malina Stone : He never showed. I guess he got cold feet.

  Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : That's not exactly how it went down. Thanks to a SMAW, he's got cold everything now.

• Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Sure she has flaws, sure she's going to prison, but my instincts told me she had good qualities as well.

  Caitlin 'Kate' Todd : Two of them wouldn't happen to live under her shirt, would they?