- Michael Scott: Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
- Dwight Schrute: I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran, killed 20 men, then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.
- Michael Scott: [acting tough after beating Dwight in a fight] You talking to me? You talking to me? "Raging Bull." Pacino.
- [elated]
- Michael Scott: Oh, I want that footage, I want it. I need it.
- Jim Halpert: Just have Dwight punch you.
- Michael Scott: Oh, yeah.
- [scoffs]
- Michael Scott: Well, that would be kind of worthless because I know a ton of 14-year-old girls who can kick his ass.
- Jim Halpert: You know a ton of 14-year-old girls?
- Dwight Schrute: What belt are they?
- Angela: [as Angela, Stanley, Toby and Pam are forging Michael's signature] This is illegal.
- Stanley Hudson: I don't care.
- Michael Scott: I'm friends with everybody in this office. We're all best friends. I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late, and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments, and that is when it's nice to let them know that you could beat them up.
- Stanley Hudson: I don't want to stay until 7:00 again this year.
- Pam Beesly: I don't really have any control over that, Stanley.
- [both look toward Michael's office]
- Pam Beesly: Michael tends to procrastinate a bit whenever he has to do work. Time cards, he has to sign these every Friday. Purchase orders have to be approved at the end of every month. And expense reports, all he has to do is initial these at the end of every quarter. But once every year, it all falls on the same Friday. That's today. I call it the perfect storm.
- Ryan's Voicemail: Seven new messages. First new message:
- Michael Scott: Hi, Ryan. This is Saddam Hussein.
- Ryan's Voicemail: Next message:
- Michael Scott: Hey, Ryan, this is your girlfriend and I'm mad.
- Michael Scott: And after that, nobody ever messed with the Damn Rascals ever again.
- Jim Halpert: Sounds tough. When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way, right?
- Michael Scott: You're a jet?
- Michael Scott: Just hit me, you'll see.
- Jim Halpert: I can't, 'cause I just got a manicure, so...
- Michael Scott: Oh, queer!
- [remembers he's on camera]
- Michael Scott: Eye... "Queer Eye." That's a good show. Important show.
- Jim Halpert: The Albany branch is working right through lunch to prevent downsizing, but Michael, he decided to extend our lunch by an hour so that we could all go down to the dojo and watch him fight Dwight.
- Toby Flenderson: We want to go home.
- Michael Scott: Well, you don't even have anybody to go home to Toby.
- Dwight Schrute: I need to change my emergency contact information from Michael Scott.
- Ryan Howard: O.K. To what?
- Dwight Schrute: Just put The... Hospital. Contact number. Just put 9-1-1.