Valerie Bertinelli: Barbara Cooper

Quotes 

• Bob Morton : [noticing Barbara staring at him]  What, what, what's the matter?

  Barbara Cooper : You need a shave.

  Bob Morton : [he strokes his chin, smiling]  Really? It's only Monday.

• Dwayne F. Schneider : I remember when I got my first real job. I was two years old.

  Barbara Cooper : Two?

  Dwayne F. Schneider : Yeah. I was a model in a diaper ad.

  Ann Romano : I didn't know you were a famous baby.

  Dwayne F. Schneider : Well, half famous. My face was never in the ad.

• Barbara Cooper : [Barbara asks for $600, and Ann says No]  Mom, it wouldn't be as if you're giving me the money. It would just be an advance against my paycheck.

  Ann Romano : You got a job?

  Barbara Cooper : Well, yeah, almost.

  Julie Cooper : But not quite.

  Ann Romano : Oh, I see. She wants a $600.- advance against almost but not quite. Have you ever thought about going into politics?

  Barbara Cooper : [the conversation continues and Barbara explains how she's trying to influence her friend, Bob, to hire her]  Oh come on, you guys, what are friends for if you can't please them?

  Ann Romano : Darling, I think you ought to skip politics and go straight into corruption.