Photos
Quotes
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Jeremy Usborne : Crunchy Nut Cornflakes are just Frosties for wankers.
Mark Corrigan : Yeah, well, Frosties are just Cornflakes for people who can't face reality.
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Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover] Justice is done. Not actual justice, but what I wanted to happen, which is basically the same thing.
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Carla : What about that judge, though, eh?
Jeremy Usborne : Oh God, yeah. He's so judgmental. "I rule this", "I rule that."
Carla : Hey, that would be a good name for him, Judge Mental!
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Jeremy Usborne : So suddenly I can't go out for drink with the defendant? Well, why not?
Mark Corrigan : Well, I suppose people might think it would make you less impartial if you're trying to bone the woman you're meant to be judging.
Jeremy Usborne : Oh, that is typical. Jeremy can't be trusted to judge the woman he's sleeping with but Tony Blair can, yeah?
Mark Corrigan : Jez, it's contempt of court.
Jeremy Usborne : Look, Mark, I'm a musician, in case you've forgotten. I answer to a higher law, the law of "If it feels good, do it."
Mark Corrigan : Oh, that's a great law, isn't it? What's that, Gaddafi's law?
Jeremy Usborne : It's the musician's law. Colonel Gaddafi could not lay down a bass hook, Mark. That should be clear even to you.
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[In the jury room Jeremy votes Not Guilty because he fancies Carla, the defendant]
Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover] I'm in Twelve Angry Men. I'm the only one who's not angry. I'm horny. That's much nicer.
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Jeremy Usborne : Who'd have thought it, eh? You and me, out clubbing, you off your tits. I can genuinely see us eventually reminiscing about this.
Mark Corrigan : Right yeah, Jez, listen, the thing is, I didn't actually pop my pill, I'm pretending. In fact, mate, I could do with a few pointers on how to be a druggie.
Jeremy Usborne : Oh Mark, why didn't you bang one?
Mark Corrigan : Because I don't want to wake up dribbling in a phone box with a trucker's penis in my ear!
Jeremy Usborne : Mark, that is so not the E experience. You're much more likely to wake up with depression and a sense of worthlessness.
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Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover] Women's prison, it's probably like one long hen night.
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Mark Corrigan : You've been called for jury service? I can't believe they'd choose you. Must be some kind of mistake.
Jeremy Usborne : Why shouldn't I do jury service?
Mark Corrigan : Because your... critical facult... I'm not being rude but you'd be the first to admit that you're not a very logical thinker.
Jeremy Usborne : No, I wouldn't.
Mark Corrigan : You still don't properly understand what happens in Ocean's Eleven, do you?
Jeremy Usborne : It's a complicated film.
Mark Corrigan : It really isn't.
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Mark Corrigan : Aren't you going to open your post?
Jeremy Usborne : No, it's boring. "You may have won this", "You may owe us that", who cares?
Mark Corrigan : Jeremy, that one's "On Her Majesty's Service" for God's sake.
Jeremy Usborne : Oh sure, it's On Her Majesty's Service delivered by the Royal Mail. Probably an invitation to one of Princess Anne's shepherd's pie and dogging parties.
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Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover] This isn't wrong, just illegal. Like drink driving.
