Penn & Teller: Bullshit! (TV Series)

Conspiracy Theories (2005)

Penn Jillette: Self - Host

Quotes 

• [on a book advocating September 11th conspiracy theories] 

  Penn Jillette : We're showing you the cover, because if you ever see anybody carrying it, push them down a flight of stairs.

• Penn Jillette : The Government couldn't even fucking cover up a break-in to a psychiatrist's office in a fucking cheesy hotel! Watergate is the answer to all this shit. If they couldn't cover that up, they fucking can't do anything.

• [Penn & Teller in a set-like atmosphere, playing out the alleged filming of the Moon landing] 

  Penn Jillette : CUT! Jesus fucking Christ, Neil! How many times do we have to try this? "One small step for A man", not man. A man! And that's YOU! Everybody take five. Neil, practice your fucking lines! Ooh yeah, let's use real pilots. I wanna use real pilots!

  [to the camera] 

  Penn Jillette : Faking the Moon Landing is easy. You need dirt, wardrobe, a sound stage, a lot of black paints, and some stupid suits. The hard part is shutting people up. It's been 36 years! You'd think the technicians, and prop people, camera people, directors, everyone who works at NASA, and the Jet Propulsion Lab in Pasadena, and all the nice folks at Cape Carnaval in Florida, plus members of the US Congress and the White House all shut up about this amazing cover-up for all that time? The Government couldn't even fucking cover up a break-in to a psychiatrist's office in a fucking cheesy hotel! Watergate is the answer to all this shit. If they couldn't cover that up, they fucking can't do anything.

• [Penn & Teller are lampooning the "production" of the fake Moon landing, with Penn as the director] 

  Penn Jillette : CUT! Jesus fucking Christ, Neil! How many times do we have to try this? "One small step for A man", not man. A man! And that's YOU! Everybody take five. Neil, practice your fucking lines! Ooh yeah, let's use real pilots. I wanna use real pilots!

  [to the camera] 

  Penn Jillette : Faking the Moon Landing is easy. You need dirt, wardrobe, a sound stage, a lot of black paints, and some stupid suits. The hard part is shutting people up. It's been 36 years! You'd think the technicians, and prop people, camera people, directors, everyone who works at NASA, and the Jet Propulsion Lab in Pasadena, and all the nice folks at Cape Carnaval in Florida, plus members of the US Congress and the White House all shut up about this amazing cover-up for all that time? The Government couldn't even fucking cover up a break-in to a psychiatrist's office in a fucking cheesy hotel! Watergate is the answer to all this shit. If they couldn't cover that up, they fucking can't do anything.

• Penn Jillette : [narrating]  According to a recent poll, 49.3% percent of people in New York believe that our leaders knew the 9/11 attacks were being planned, and they intentionally failed to act. And lots of people believe we didn't even land on the moon. And that JFK wasn't killed by this guy

  [stock footage of Lee Harvey Oswald] 

  Penn Jillette : but by

  [photo of Lyndon Baines Johnson] 

  Penn Jillette : this guy. Or even

  [photograph of Alan Hale Jr. as The Skipper on Gilligan's Island] 

  Penn Jillette : this guy. Are 49.3% of us just fucking crazy?