Police Squad! (TV Series)
Ring of Fear (A Dangerous Assignment) (1982)
Leslie Nielsen: Det. Frank Drebin
Photos
Quotes
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Det. Frank Drebin : [as manager Bob Kelly] Now do you think you can beat the champ?
Buddy : I can take him blindfolded.
Det. Frank Drebin : What if he's not blindfolded?
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Det. Frank Drebin : Sorry, Bobby. No sax before a fight.
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Det. Frank Drebin : Johnny, I need some information and fast. There's a woman in trouble.
Johnny the Snitch : You mean Mary, the boxer's wife who was just kidnapped?
Det. Frank Drebin : Right. You know anything about it?
Johnny the Snitch : Maybe I do, maybe I don't.
[Drebin hands Johnny some money]
Johnny the Snitch : She's in big trouble. She's being held by Martin's goon, Luca.
Det. Frank Drebin : What's a goonluca?
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Det. Frank Drebin : [voice-over] I'd just come from the stockyards. We'd gotten reports of hundreds of cows had been senselessly slaughtered in the area, but I couldn't find any evidence. I stopped off for a hamburger and checked in with headquarters.
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Martin : We've got Mary.
Buddy : What?
Det. Frank Drebin : [still posing as Kelly the manager] You're bluffing.
Martin : Oh yeah?
[pulls out a scarf]
Buddy : Mary's scarf!
Det. Frank Drebin : You could have gotten that anywhere.
[grabs the scarf and throws it away]
Martin : How about this?
[pulls out a knitted purse]
Buddy : Mary's purse!
Det. Frank Drebin : There are millions of purses like that.
[grabs purse and throws it in a corner]
Martin : How about this?
[pulls out a toaster]
Buddy : Mary's toaster!
[two slices of bread pop out]
Det. Frank Drebin : Oh my God...
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[in a misty steam room]
Det. Frank Drebin : All right, hands up Luca! I got a gun in your ribs!
Mary : I'm not Luca, and those aren't my ribs!
Luca : Eat lead copper!
[gunshots are heard]
Det. Frank Drebin : Mary, you all right?
Mary : Yes.
Luca : So am I!
[more gunshots]
Det. Frank Drebin : How about now?
Luca : Now? Not so good.
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Det. Frank Drebin : Too bad you lost your last three fights.
Buddy : So I had some bad luck, so what?
Det. Frank Drebin : Well, maybe you don't have the right kind of management. Don't you think you should start thinking about that, buddy?
Buddy : I make a pretty good living.
Det. Frank Drebin : Maybe you can make a better one. And a cleaner one and a better one.
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Det. Frank Drebin : [as Bob Kelly the manager] Buddy Briggs belongs to me now, but just to make it nice and legal, I brought along a bill of sale. Sign it.
[throws bill on table and puts Briggs contract in his inside pocket]
Det. Frank Drebin : [to second poker player] You. You witness it.
Det. Frank Drebin : [to third poker player] You, check for spelling errors.
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Det. Frank Drebin : I'm a manager. I wanna take over Buddy Brigg's contract.
Cooper : What are you, some kind of a wise guy?
Det. Frank Drebin : Yeah, I'm a wise guy. With a lot of long green.
Poker player : You manage Lorne Greene?
Cooper : I'll trade Buddy for Lorne Greene.
Det. Frank Drebin : No, no, I mean I got cash.
Poker player : You manage Johnny Cash, too?
Cooper : Wait a minute. Who are you?
Det. Frank Drebin : Kelly. Bob Kelly.
[puts a roll of cash on the table]
Det. Frank Drebin : Mind if I sit in a few hands?
Cooper : Your money's good here.
Poker player : Goodyear? You got the blimp, too?
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[Playing poker, the pot has grown very large]
Cooper : That's a lot of dough-re-mi, Kelly. I'm outta cash. What about these?
[Holds up fuzzy dice]
Det. Frank Drebin : No dice. But there is something else I'm interested in.
Cooper : What's that?
Det. Frank Drebin : Buddy Briggs's contract!
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Det. Frank Drebin : Anyone with Schultz after the fight?
Capt. Ed Hocken : Just his manager.
Det. Frank Drebin : Who's that?
Capt. Ed Hocken : Some joe named Cooper.
Det. Frank Drebin : Who's this Joe Cooper?
Capt. Ed Hocken : No, no, it's Sol Cooper.
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Martin : You think you're a big man, Drebin, but I'm tellin' you, I'm gonna beat this rap!
Det. Frank Drebin : Don't count on it, Martin. Looks like you and your cohorts will be doing your boxing up at the Statesville Prison from now on.
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Martin : Kelly!
Det. Frank Drebin : The name is Detective Frank Drebin, and I'm a boxing fan.