- [as they prepare to commit suicide]
- Atia of the Julii: Octavian, my honey, who would you rather killed you?
- Gaius Octavian: I'm old enough to take care of myself, mother.
- Atia of the Julii: Oh, that's my brave boy.
- Lucius Vorenus: You heard what she said, she hates me!
- Titus Pullo: What's your question?
- Lucius Vorenus: How do I get her to stop hating me, obviously!
- Titus Pullo: That's not obvious! I thought you were making her hate you for a purpose.
- Lucius Vorenus: That was not my intent, why would I do that?
- Titus Pullo: I don't know. You're the clever one.
- Atia of the Julii: Pompeian scum at our very door! It's intolerable! If Timon and his men weren't here they'd be burning down the house!
- Marcus Junius Brutus: Oh they're not *that* energetic.
- Octavia of the Julii: Mother I would rather it were not you who killed me. If you have no objections.
- Atia of the Julii: Why ever not? You can't still be angry with me!
- [Atia is considering commiting group suicide to avoid being raped and murdered by street thugs]
- Atia of the Julii: Castor, be sure to cut Octavia's throat before you cut mine!
- Octavia of the Julii: Please, Castor, let mother do it! I won't deny her one last pleasure. It would be undaughterly.
- [Vorenus unbuckles his sword belt]
- Titus Pullo: What are you doing?
- Lucius Vorenus: I've done my duty and I've sinned enough. I resign.
- Titus Pullo: That's desertion.
- Lucius Vorenus: [chuckles] I'm a traitor and a rebel. Why not a desertor as well?
- [Titus is giving Lucius marital advice]
- Titus Pullo: When you couple with her, there's a spot just above her cunny, it's like a little button. Now... attend to that button, and she will open up, like a flower.
- Lucius Vorenus: [aghast] How do you know this about her?
- Titus Pullo: *All* women have them! Ask anyone!
- Mark Antony: I applaud you. You're about to enter Rome as a bloodstained conqueror, and yet you look as calm as a cup of water.
- Gaius Julius Caesar: [deadpan] I'm glad I appear so.
- Titus Pullo: Of course, your best method for pleasing a woman is the warm, beating heart of an enemy. I mean, women'll say they don't like it, but they do. Makes them wet as October.
- Marcus Junius Brutus: Vae, mother! You, you are blinded by untapped lust. I'll get you a good big Cyrenian at the market and have done with it!
- Gaius Julius Caesar: What makes your man Vorenus so morose?
- Mark Antony: He is stonewall Catonian. He thinks we've committed a terrible crime, a mighty sacrilege, and shall be severely punished by the gods.
- Gaius Julius Caesar: He may be right.
- Mark Antony: It's a crime if we lose. If we win, it isn't.
- Gaius Julius Caesar: I am merely pursuing my legitimate rights, Antony.
- Mark Antony: Of course.
- Gaius Julius Caesar: Do you think we can trust him?
- Mark Antony: Who?
- Gaius Julius Caesar: Lucius Vorenus.
- Mark Antony: Oh. Deep Thirteenth, him. He'd follow the eagle up Pluto's arse.
- Newsreader: Pompey Magnus has left the city. He commands all noblemen and knights to do likewise. Those that remain will be considered enemies of Rome.
- Lucius Vorenus: We should have been stopped by now. Why is Rome not defended?
- Titus Pullo: Our boys scared 'em off, eh?
- Lucius Vorenus: The soldiers of the Republic do not run... so it must be a strategem or trick...
- Titus Pullo: Then it's a good trick!
- Lucius Vorenus: ...unless the gods have abandoned Rome! If Mars were watching, he would not allow such a disgrace!
- Titus Pullo: Or maybe he's off having a crap, and missed it.
- Lucius Vorenus: It is that sort of disrespect that has brought us to this sad pass! If the gods are not respected, then why should they help us?
- Marcus Junius Brutus: Caesar has crossed the Rubicon. He's on Italian soil under arms. It's an act of gross treason. With a single legion, if you please. So not merely treason, but suicidal treason.
- [Atia greets Timon at the door]
- Atia of the Julii: I'm having a small party this evening, and I'll need you to -
- [she stops]
- Atia of the Julii: Are you wearing perfume?
- Timon: Just a dab.
- Atia of the Julii: It's horrid. Horseshit suits you much better. Now, I need you to get more men to stand guard outside to greet my guests when they arrive.
- Timon: A party? Is that wise, given how things are?
- Atia of the Julii: Perfume, advice. Whatever next?