Tom Waits: Self

Quotes 

• Ian Hislop : [describing his role as a presenter on the forgotten 1980s talk show 'Loose Talk']  I had to link the show to a large audience who are all either drunk or stoned. And then I had to interview various people and talk to a man called Tom Waits, who had flown in and had what was called "jetlag". As celebrities call it.

  Nick Hancock : He'd rolled his own jetlag?

  Ian Hislop : He had. I think he'd put a huge amount of jetlag up his nose.

  Nick Hancock : Let's have a little look of you dealing manfully with Tom Waits.

  Ian Hislop : I can't believe you're going to show this bit.

  Nick Hancock : I'm afraid we are.

  [a clip plays - Tom Waits is seated in a studio, next to him is Ian Hislop and three other guests] 

  Tom Waits : [mumbling]  Um... part of the reason that I'm here, uh, is to make it, uh, um... clear that I, uh, I do have a new piece of work that's out. Unfortunately...

  Ian Hislop : [interrupting]  Can I suggest you plug it a bit louder? I mean, if that's what you're over here for?

  [awkward silence. Waits looks at Hislop irritably] 

  Ian Hislop : The record?

  Tom Waits : I'll plug it in my own damn way.

  Ian Hislop : It's just very soft.

  [a couple of people in the studio audience clap and cheer] 

  Tom Waits : Well, I think you can hear me, can't you?

  Ian Hislop : Yeah, but I'm fairly near.

  Tom Waits : Well...

  [Hislop turns to the guests on his other side] 

  Nick Hancock : [watching the clip]  Looks round for help.

  Ian Hislop : [watching the clip]  Doesn't get any!

  [the other guests say nothing then turn away from Hislop and Waits and start talking amongst themselves]