- Douglas Fairbanks Jr.: Scientists say that heavy smokers are less appetising to man eating sharks. But I refuse to give up smoking just to please a fish.
- Alan Sues: Dad always makes a big fuss over Christmas. Every year his employees ask for the day off and dad makes a big fuss.
- Martin Landau: Good evening, my name is Martin Landau.
- Barbara Bain: Hmm, so that's what you really look like.
- Judy Doll: Hello, I'm your talking Judy Doll. Why don't Ken and Barbie talk? Maybe they're busy with other things.
- Judy Carne: Good little girls get candy and toys for Christmas, but it's the other kind that gets all the worthwhile presents.
- Douglas Fairbanks Jr.: If Scrooge could see Tiny Tim today, he'd take back that Christmas goose and cook it himself.
- The Sultan: Behold, my son. Someday all of this will be yours, if you only give up that nonsense about hairdressing school.
- Jo Anne Worley: You know, my boyfriend's teaching me to body surf. Next week, we're gonna try it at the beach.