- Announcer: [voice-over] And now, Laugh-In brings you the news, from the four corners of the globe. With Irving in Berlin, Julie in London, George in Washington, Bob in Denver and Grover in Cleveland.
- Dan Rowan: Well, time to say good night, Dick.
- Dick Martin: Ooh, I can't, I gotta get home for the wrestling.
- Dan Rowan: Oh, gonna be wrestling on television tonight?
- Dick Martin: Yeah, and on the sofa, and on the coffee table, maybe behind the bookcase...
- Dick Martin: Hey, would you pose in the nude for a portrait?
- Janice Pennington: Uhm... yeah.
- Dick Martin: Good, here's a portrait of my uncle. Get your gear off.
- Karen Valentine: Ladies and gentlemen, there are two things you should never do in show business, and here they are now: Dan Rowan and Dick Martin.
- Sister Lily: Oh, Sister Flossy...
- Sister Flossy: Hm-hm?
- Sister Lily: One of my students came to class today wearing a pink see-through blouse and violet velvet hotpants.
- Sister Flossy: Tss, tss. How awful.
- Sister Ann: Oh heavens, what did you do?
- Sister Lily: I sent him home.