- Fred G. Sanford: [after flirting with the attractive young receptionist] Now, she's got T.B.
- Lamont Sanford: What?
- Fred G. Sanford: Terrific Body.
- Lamont Sanford: You're a dirty old man, you know that?
- Fred G. Sanford: And I'm gonna be one till I'm a dead old man.
- Lamont Sanford: Pop, since you was 10, you smoked a cigarette 41 miles long!
- Fred G. Sanford: That's real super king-size, ain't it?
- Fred G. Sanford: [after frantically finding a cigarette butt to re-light up, then after taking a drag, hacks up what sounds like half his lung, then smiles] Ah, smoking less, but enjoying it more.
- [Lamont comes in]
- Fred G. Sanford: Hey Lamont, did you bring cigarettes?
- Lamont Sanford: What?
- Fred G. Sanford: Cigarettes. Smokes. Did you bring 'em?
- Lamont Sanford: Didn't you just hear yourself now?
- Fred G. Sanford: Yeah, I said, "Did you bring cigarettes?"
- Lamont Sanford: No, didn't you hear yourself coughing? I heard you a block away. It sounded like they was tearing up the streets.
- Lamont Sanford: You're a dirty old man ya know that?
- Fred Sanford: And I'm gonna be one 'till I'm a dead old man.
- Fred Sanford: [Coughs violently] Smokin' less but enjoying it more.
- [Lamont enters room]
- Fred Sanford: Hey Lamont you bring me cigarettes?
- Lamont Sanford: What?
- Fred Sanford: Cigarettes. Smokes. Did you get them?
- Lamont Sanford: Did you hear yourself just now?
- Fred Sanford: Yeah I asked if you brung me cigarettes.
- Lamont Sanford: No I mean did you hear yourself coughing? I heard you a block away, it sounded like they was tearing up the streets.
- Receptionist: Address?
- Fred Sanford: 9114 South Central.
- Receptionist: Oh, that's in Watts?
- Fred Sanford: It sure ain't Beverly Hills.
- Lamont Sanford: Pop, since you was 10, you smoked a cigarette 41 miles long.
- Fred Sanford: That's real super king sized ain't it?
- Lamont Sanford: 41 miles. That's like you smoked a cigarette from here to Disneyland.
- Lamont Sanford: And it's your fault! This house was always damp - even my BED was damp!
- Fred G. Sanford: Now, you can't blame that on ME!