- Fred G. Sanford: I knew if you invited them here there would be something like this I told you I knew it I knew.
- Fred G. Sanford: [Looks at Lamont and realizes Lamont set the whole thing up] And you knew it you planned IT!
- Lamont Sanford: Wait a minute pop don't jump to no conclusions.
- Fred G. Sanford: All I'm jumping to is up side your head!
- Lamont Sanford: [Lamont and Rollo are looking for dates, Rollo flipping through his little black book] Hey, man, what about Dimples and Leigh?
- Rollo Larson: Dimples and Leigh? The gruesome twosome? You is a fool. We ain't that hard up... Hey, I wonder if I still got their numbers.
- Lamont Sanford: Look under DT for "desperation time."
- Rollo Larson: No, here it is, under LR for "last resort."
- Aunt Esther Anderson: [Asking about Fred's fiancee] And what did you say her name was?
- Lamont Sanford: Donna.
- Aunt Esther Anderson: Donna?
- Lamont Sanford: Yeah, Donna. It means "lady."
- Aunt Esther Anderson: Is that so? I once had a dog named Lady.
- Lamont Sanford: [after telling Fred his in-laws are coming to the wedding] Look, Pop, will you stop worrying? They're not gonna be here that long.
- Fred G. Sanford: That's what the Indians said when they first saw the white man comin'.
- Donna Harris: [Running from the kitchen, across the living room and out the door] Get out of my way!
- Aunt Esther Anderson: [Running in hot pursuit, stopped by Fred] Let me at her! Turn me loose! Let me at her! Let me at her! Let me at her! Her be-HIND is MINE!
- Fred G. Sanford: And you knew it, you planned it.
- Lamont Sanford: Wait a minute pop now don't jump to no conclusions.
- Fred G. Sanford: All I'm jumping to is upside your head.
- Fred G. Sanford: [Talking to Rev Tremble] Now look here Reverend you didn't preach no marriage but stick around you can preach the funeral!
- Fred G. Sanford: [talking to Donna on the phone] I'll tell you what I'd like to do with that cake I'd like to shove it down Lamont's throat
- Fred G. Sanford: [Lamont sneaks in the house and Fred sees him] You know what I said I wanted to do with that cake I'm going to do it
- Fred G. Sanford: Lamont Sanford don't know it yet but he is about to star in a new version of deep throat
- Fred G. Sanford: [Referring to Esther] She going to bring Woody the wino?
- Lamont Sanford: Yea I believe so.
- Fred G. Sanford: That does it I'm going to have to hide my Ripple, my Gin, my Bourbon ,my Rye, going to have to hide my bug spray, my Draino.