- Fred G. Sanford: Listen, I went through a lot of expense to make this a romantic evening. I even got some pink Champagne chilling in the refrigerator.
- Lamont Sanford: You bought Champagne?
- Fred G. Sanford: Well, not really. It's really ginger ale and Ripple. See, I call it Champipple.
- Fred G. Sanford: Come get your desert, Son.
- [Grabs baseball bat]
- Fred G. Sanford: Lamont, come on down, Son, I've got your puding. Yeah, I'm gonna be pudin' this upside your head!
- Carol Davis: It's amazing how time flies when the conversation is interesting, isn't it?
- Carol Davis: Yeah, like sand in the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.
- Carol Davis: Fred, that's very poetic. Did you just make that up?
- Fred G. Sanford: Oh, no. That's the words MacDonald Carey lives by every day at 12:30, 11:30 Central.
- Fred G. Sanford: Listen, Lamont, I'm not married. I still gotta sow some wild oats.
- Lamont Sanford: Pop, at your age you ain't got no wild oats; you got shredded wheat.
- Fred G. Sanford: Okay, so I got shredded wheat, but I still got a whole lot of snap, crackle and pop left.
- Fred G. Sanford: Listen, y'know I had an uncle who was a Catholic. I don't know if I told you that he had water on the knee, that's why he had to give it up.