- Fred G. Sanford: [to Lamont] Remember that show we saw on TV with that lady that was living with a family of chimpanzees, uh, Jane Goodall? I think it was called "Goodall in the Family."
- Fred G. Sanford: [Coming into the living room and frustrated to find Lamont has brought Ah Chew with him] Gee whiz, you here again? Listen, why do you always hang out with him? You gonna wind up catching yellow jaundice.
- Ah Chew: Hey, what have you got, man? Black Plague?
- Lamont Sanford: [after Fred tells Lamont how he's going to make big money by writing his autobiography] You mean to tell me you think people are gonna pay their hard-earned cash to read about "The Memoirs of Fred Sanford"?
- Fred G. Sanford: I'm not gonna call it that. I've got some tricky names that I'm gonna put in there. Wanna hear 'em?
- Lamont Sanford: No.
- Fred G. Sanford: How about, uh, "The Junkcorcist"?
- Lamont Sanford: Good night, Pop.
- Fred G. Sanford: [shouting after Lamont, who has left the kitchen] I know what I'll call it. I'll name it after you - "The Day of the Jackass"!