- Dr. Caldwell: Mr. Sanford, are you suggesting that your son might be displaying homosexual tendencies?
- Fred G. Sanford: No, I'm suggesting that my son might be turning into a sissy.
- Lamont Sanford: [about the gay bar] That's the first I've ever been in a bar where all the brothers were sisters.
- Rollo Larson: [passing Fred on his way to the house] Hey Pops, what it is?
- Fred G. Sanford: [disgusted] What it was!
- Rollo Larson: Right on, I see you steppin' out tonight, huh?
- Fred G. Sanford: Well, I was steppin' out but after meeting you it's more like steppin' into something.
- Rollo Larson: [amused] Jack, you one cold-blooded old dude.
- Rollo Larson: [to Lamont] You gonna pass up one of the greatest skin flicks of all time and stay home on a Saturday night? Is you a fool?
- Rollo Larson: I saw your old man and Bubba going into The Gay Blade.
- Lamont Sanford: C'mon Rollo, what kind of joke is this man, it ain't funny.
- Rollo Larson: [laughing] Hey, man, I swear. I swear on a stack of Bibles this high Lamont, the two old dudes was goin' into The Gay Blade, can you get with that?
- Lamont Sanford: Look man, just because you saw them go into The Gay Blade, that don't mean nothing. Look, my father's always looking for weird places to go into. Now, he goes in there and sits at the bar and nurses a can of beer for a few hours, then he comes home and tells me about the whole thing. It don't mean nothing.
- Rollo Larson: Hey, they wasn't at the bar.
- Lamont Sanford: [worried] Well, where were they?
- Rollo Larson: They was tucked away in a corner.
- Lamont Sanford: Well, they probably just wanted to get a better view of the place, that's all.
- Rollo Larson: And they was wearin' dark glasses.
- Lamont Sanford: [sicing his finger] Hey look, Rollo, you talkin' about my old man, now.
- Rollo Larson: Hey baby, look here, I'm just tellin' you what I saw!
- Lamont Sanford: And as far as Bubba's concerned, Bubba's been married twice.
- Rollo Larson: Yeah, you know what they say too: 'If you can't hold a job, you change the line of work'.
- Lamont Sanford: You ain't wrapped too tight, Rollo.
- Rollo Larson: It was supposed to be a skin flick classic
- Lamont Sanford: Yeah, well, it was the worst movie I ever seen, man, it was rotten and disgusting. I wouldn't take no girl to see it, I don't know why you took me.
- Rollo Larson: Well, how come you wanted to see it twice then?
- Lamont Sanford: Well, because I couldn't believe it the first time.
- Bubba Bexley: [after spotting Lamont and Rollo walking into The Gay Blade] Holy smoke.
- Lucille Pinkney: What is it?
- Bubba Bexley: I'm sorry but I gotta take you home, Lucille.
- Lucille Pinkney: [agitated] Home? This early in the evening? What kinda jive nonsense is this?
- Bubba Bexley: I'm sorry, but I've gotta go by and see a sick friend.
- Lucille Pinkney: [suspicious] A sick friend? You ain't never told me about no sick friend.
- Bubba Bexley: That's cause he ain't sick yet, but he's gonna be. Come on.
- Lamont Sanford: [Exiting The Gay Blade which he and Rollo walked into by accident] Well, you battin' a thousand tonight, Rollo.
- Bubba Bexley: [Fred refuses to believe that Lamont might be gay after walking out of a gay bar] Fred, the name of this place was The Gay Blade.
- Fred G. Sanford: The Gay Blade?
- Bubba Bexley: You know what gay is, don't you?
- Fred G. Sanford: [smiling] Yeah, that means 'happy'
- Bubba Bexley: [serious] Not anymore.
- Bubba Bexley: If you see two guys going into a sissy bar, what are you suppose to think?
- Fred G. Sanford: Well, look Bubba, me and you went into one of them bottomless bars, didn't we? That don't mean we stopped wearing pants.
- Dr. Caldwell: [on homosexuality] No one ever died from it, you know
- Fred G. Sanford: [referring to Lamont] Well, he'll be the first one if I ever find out something like that.
- Fred G. Sanford: [after asking the doctor to subtly quiz Lamont to see if he's gay] Could you tell anything?
- Dr. Caldwell: Well, he feels that he had a dominant mother and that's generally a clue.
- Fred G. Sanford: [worried] Then he is.
- Dr. Caldwell: On the other hand, he shows no outward signs that would be revealing.
- Fred G. Sanford: [relieved] That means he ain't.
- Dr. Caldwell: But, he says he takes after his mother.
- Fred G. Sanford: [worried] Then he is.
- Dr. Caldwell: However, he likes the idea of a woman around the house.
- Fred G. Sanford: [relieved] He ain't.
- Dr. Caldwell: I didn't say that.
- Fred G. Sanford: [confused] Well, what are you saying?
- Dr. Caldwell: I don't know.
- Fred G. Sanford: Well, what DO you know?
- Dr. Caldwell: The one thing I DO know is... I don't know.
- Fred G. Sanford: Well, what do you suggest?
- Dr. Caldwell: I don't know. Let's just wait and see how things develop. Let me know if you detect any change in his speech or his behavior or his dress.
- Fred G. Sanford: [worried] Don't tell me he gonna put on a dress.
- Dr. Caldwell: [amused] No, Mr. Sanford. I meant his wearing apparel. That'll be ten dollars please.
- Fred G. Sanford: I only got five dollars, Doc.
- Dr. Caldwell: Well, when can I get the other five?
- Fred G. Sanford: I don't know. Bye, Doc.
- Fred G. Sanford: What are you doing combing your hair?
- Lamont Sanford: What kind of question is that? Why does anybody comb their hair?
- Fred G. Sanford: Well, you just going to a job.
- Lamont Sanford: Pop, just because I work in junk don't mean I have to look like it. Now I come in contact with a lot of people out there in the street, you know.
- Fred G. Sanford: Oh, I see what you mean. Like, in case, you ran into one of those nice interesting females, huh?
- Lamont Sanford: [smiling] In case I should run into whoever. See ya, Pop
- [leaves]
- Fred G. Sanford: [concerned] It's that whoever that worries me.
- Fred G. Sanford: [privately fearing that Rollo and Lamont might be gay] Hey listen here. Why you always going out with my son?
- Rollo Larson: Lamont? He my man!
- Fred G. Sanford: [panicking] Your Man?
- Rollo Larson: Yeah Jack, he's my man, my MAIN man!
- Fred G. Sanford: [panicking further] Your main man?
- Rollo Larson: [crosses his fingers] Look here Jack, Imma see you later on. Look we tight partners man. Me and Lamont are just like that
- [enters the house and closes the door]
- Rollo Larson: .
- Fred G. Sanford: [clutching his chest and looking up to Heaven] Elizabeth? If you lookin' down on all this, honey... don't look?
- Lamont Sanford: I've already seen your skin flicks, Rollo.
- Rollo Larson: Say, but this one is different, Lamont. It's called 'The Mile High Club'. It's all about these three hundred and fifty swingin' couples in the baggage compartment of a 747.
- Bubba Bexley: [Fred and Bubba arrive at The Gay Blade] I saw Lamont and Rollo go right in there. Look up there. See? The Gay Blade.
- Fred G. Sanford: Well, we better get inside because Rollo was just getting to the house as I was leaving.
- Bubba Bexley: Well, suppose Lamont sees you in there, then what?
- Fred G. Sanford: Oh, they won't see us. Know why? Cause we can sit way in the back, and besides, put these on
- [produces two pair of sunglasses from his pocket and hands on pair to Bubba]
- Bubba Bexley: I feel kinda weird.
- Fred G. Sanford: Well, that won't mean nothing in there, Bubba.
- Fred G. Sanford: [about to go into The Gay Blade with Bubba] When we inside there, don't smile at nobody. Hear?. I mean don't smile at n-o-o-o-body.
- Lamont Sanford: Say, Pop?
- Fred G. Sanford: Yeah?
- Lamont Sanford: Uh, you didn't go to that movie with Bubba like you said you was, did you.
- Fred G. Sanford: No.
- Lamont Sanford: Well, where did you go?
- Fred G. Sanford: Out. Now I'm in. Now, I'm going up and lay down.
- Rollo Larson: Hey, what's the good word, Pops?
- Fred G. Sanford: The good word, Rollo, is when you say 'goodbye'.
- Lamont Sanford: [Over the closing credits] 'Sanford and Son' is recorded on tape before a live studio audience.