- Aunt Esther Anderson: [after being insulted by Fred] Who you calling ugly, suckah?
- Fred G. Sanford: I'm calling you ugly. I could stick your face in some dough and make some gorilla cookies!
- Lamont Sanford: [Lamont speaking with his hypochondriac father notices the book beside him in bed] Hey, wait a minute, what's that? Don't tell me that's a Bible?
- Fred G. Sanford: What'd you think it is? What's wrong with that?
- Lamont Sanford: Nothing. It's just I ain't never seen you so close to one before.
- Fred G. Sanford: I ain't never felt this close to the one who wrote it before.
- Fred G. Sanford: Why you smilin' at me like Bela Lugosi?
- Lamont Sanford: Well, can't I smile at my own father?
- Doctor Stewart: [Referring to what was wrong with Fred] It appears he ate some 8-day-old collared greens, and they didn't agree with him.
- Lamont Sanford: Eight-day-old collared greens wouldn't agree with Superman!