- Aunt Esther Anderson: [after Fred asks Esther whether Elizabeth was ever unfaithful to him] My baby sister Elizabeth was as pure as the driven snow.
- Fred G. Sanford: Yeah, but who was doing the driving?
- [Grip learns he slept with Esther]
- Fred G. Sanford: I was once mad at you, but now I feel sorry for you. Because you don't know the difference between a woman and a crocodile!
- Lamont Sanford: [after Grip has claimed to be Lamont's father, Lamont turns to Fred] Hey, man, this is my father, the only Pop I've ever known. Now, all my life it's been Sanford and Son, and, as far as I'm concerned, that's the way it's gonna always be.
- Fred G. Sanford: [to Grip] Elizabeth was as pure as the driven snow. And you looking at the only driver she ever had!
- Grady Wilson: Let me have a drink, please?
- Fred G. Sanford: Okay. Listen, you wanna try one I invented? It's a mixture of Ripple and cream. I call it "cripple." Y'see, after you drink a few of 'em, you walk with a limp.
- Lamont Sanford: If you're my father that's between you and my mother. That don't have nothing to do with me.
- Aunt Esther: Let's get it over with Fred, I don't like being alone in a house with an unmarried man.
- Fred Sanford: Listen Esther, if we were alone on a raft in the middle of the ocean, I'd rather kiss an octopus in the mouth.
- Aunt Esther: My baby sister was as pure as the driven snow!
- Fred Sanford: Yeah but who was doing the driving?