- Bubba Bexley: There's only one way to make a Bloody Mary: one bottle of vodka and one bottle of ketchup.
- Fred G. Sanford: You gonna to need some insurance because I'm fixing to preform a 459.
- Rollo Larson: What's a 459?
- Fred G. Sanford: Breaking and entering your skull!
- Fred G. Sanford: [after Lamont tells Fred he should make their guest feel at home] Rollo, feel at home.
- Rollo Larson: I do.
- Fred G. Sanford: Well, would you do me a favor?
- Rollo Larson: Certainly.
- Fred G. Sanford: Would you take the garbage out?
- Rollo Larson: Of course. Where is it?
- Fred G. Sanford: In your shoes.
- Fred G. Sanford: [to the friendly drunk driving instructor in jail with him] Hey, why don't you go back over there? Your breath smells like you been drinking Tidy Bowl.