- Officer 'Smitty' Smith: [Coming into the house where Grady and Herman are listening to the fight on the radio] We figured you had the fight on. Mind if we listen?
- Officer 'Hoppy' Hopkins: Yeah. Terrible reception in the squad car. Kept picking up police calls.
- Grady Wilson: [Grady, Lamont and Herman stand in the living room. Grady asks Lamont] How come he went to prison?
- Lamont Sanford: Because of circumstantial evidence! He just happened to be at the scene of a crime.
- Grady Wilson: [Turning to Herman] Oh, you "just happened to be at the scene of a crime"? What were you doing there?
- Herman: Committing it.
- Lamont Sanford: [Defending Herman to Grady] He's not a "jailbird." He's got a name.
- Grady Wilson: Oh, yeah? Spell it for me - number by number.
- Aunt Esther Anderson: I have to get my husband's opinion, which won't be hard because he gets it from me.