Quotes
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Aunt Esther Anderson : [Fred pleads with Esther to sit and stay awhile] I ain't sittin' on no couch. First thing I hear you say is how ugly I am.
Fred G. Sanford : Would I say that to you?
Aunt Esther Anderson : Yes! And then you'd say, "I've seen better faces on a can of dog food." And then you would say when I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped me across the face.
Fred G. Sanford : Oh, Esther, I wouldn't say that to you. You're beautiful! What a face! What a figure!
Aunt Esther Anderson : I know that one. Two more legs and I'd look like Trigger!
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Doc : It looks like you have a viral infection. But of course it's impossible to know what you have.
Fred G. Sanford : I'll tell you what I have for sure. I got my eyes ache, my head aches, my hair aches, I got tired blood, I got itchy, flakin' and scalpin' skin, I'm dizzy and fuzzy and queasy and sneezy, and you standing there lookin' dopey!