Saturday Night Live (TV Series)

Ed O'Neill/Harry Connick Jr. (1990)

Ed O'Neill: Self - Host, Various

Quotes 

• Mr. Hemple : Well, he should know that driving is a privilege, and not a right. A car is really just a means of getting from A to B, not a sort of phallic symbol. It's power under control. In the wrong hands, a car is a lethal weapon capable of horrendous damage. In many ways a car is a... pulverizing death monster, with a glass and steel persona. A vicious, unforgiving beast, whose lust for blood is matched only by its love of carnage. A killing machine, worthy of its nickname: The Widowmaker.

  Various : Bogus.

• Ed O'Neill : Now, before I begin... for those of you who have- don't get FOX television in your city, I'm not a contest winner. I'm, eh.. I'm not a retiring cameraman being given a fond send-off, and eh... I'm not Robert De Niro preparing for an upcoming role as a shlup. I'm actually a genuine celebrity. My name is Ed O'Neill, and I'm the star of the television show "Married... With Children".