- Don Lapre: With my system you'll save so much time, soon you'll be saying 'Airport, Shmairport'.
- Kevin: Why- why would I say that?
- Don Lapre: You know, like, if you were late for the airport and you didn't care because you wouldn't be late for the airport or anything else in life because you'll have so much extra time.
- Lorne Michaels: Jason, you're not really helping the show out there, could you act a little more excited?
- Jason Patric: But I hate the show, I told you that Monday.
- Lorne Michaels: We sort of thought you were kidding.
- Jason Patric: Uh-uh.
- Inmate: Next month I'm gonna be executed by 'Leth Injects'. So every minute counts. Thanks, Don. Oh, and by the way, 'Airport Schmairport'!