- Harriet Cralboni: Where are you taking my baby? I want my baby!
- Nurse: To the nursery, where no one could ever possibly switch her with another baby.
- Matt Foley: Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the van... your ol' buddy Matt fell asleep on the can.
- Weekend Update Anchor: Although this weeks repairs to the Hubble telescope were successful, the cost of sending NASA's astronauts to make the repair was phenomenal. So, next time President Clinton feels he may just hire a couple of Mexican astronauts to do it at half-price.