Saturday Night Live (TV Series)

Kevin Spacey/Beck (1997)

Will Ferrell: Mr. Johnson, Janet Reno, Assistant

Quotes 

• Director : [off screen]  Walter Matthau, Obi-Wan Kenobi screen test. All right, Walter, here we go. "I never heard of them hitting anything this big before."

  Walter Matthau : [Smoking a cigar with his left hand and holding a golf club in his right]  They didn't but we are meant to think they did. These tracks are side by side, Sand People always ride single file to hide their numbers.

  Director : These are the same Jawas that sold us Artoo and Threepio.

  Walter Matthau : Jawas? What the Hell is this picture about anyway?

  Director : Well, Walter, it's a space adventure about a magical Force and all the people and creatures who inhabit a distant galaxy...

  Walter Matthau : Oh, Christ.

  [Picks up his golf club and walks off] 

  Director : Walter? W-Walter...

• Director : [off screen]  Jack Lemmon, Chewbacca screen test. Take one.

  Jack Lemmon : [Jack Lemmon comes out, dressed in a Chewbacca costume except for the face mask]  Okay, excuse me, before we put the spaghetti in the machine, can someone tell me what the hell one of these Chewbacca things is?

  Director : Well, he's a Wookiee, Jack.

  Jack Lemmon : A what? A what the hell is a Wookiee?

  Director : Um, it's like a space ape.

  Jack Lemmon : Oh, that's terrific. You had me drive all the way from Beverly Hills to play a fucking space ape?

  Director : Uh, Jack, just put the mask on.

  Jack Lemmon : I'm gonna take a dump in this God damn mask, that's what I'm gonna do.

  Director : Jack, please, put it on.

  Jack Lemmon : Why can't I audition for Obi-Wan? You've got Matthau screentesting. I'd be a terrific Obi-Wan.

  Director : Could you please put the mask on?

  Jack Lemmon : Ah, go fuck yourself.

  [Throw the mask on the ground and walks off]