- Weekend Update Anchor: Pop singer Madonna was outraged this week when a tabloid photographer snapped her picture while she was breastfeeding her new baby. Apparently, the baby was blocking her nipple.
- Tate Witherspoon: It's like this: somebody owes you money, and we're gonna get it.
- Russell Johnson: They, they can't have your money!
- Tate Witherspoon: Unless they want a piece of Russell & Tate.
- Russell Johnson: Oh, yeah!
- Barbara Walters: Now, some members of your staff have called you, and I quote: inaccessible, an obsessive perfectionist, in short, a demanding taskmaster who's whip is as sharp as her attack.
- Barbara Walters: Well...
- [coughs]
- Barbara Walters: ... it's true, Barbara, I am a bitch on wheels.
- Elizabeth Dole: Now Barbara, if you're implying that I plan to ride my husband's coattails into the White House and wait for the perfect opportunity to push him down a flight of stairs so that I can seize power and become the first female President...
- Barbara Walters: I wasn't implying...