- Waiter: Here's your Bloody Mary, and here's your Bartyles & James.
- Monica Lewinsky: Thanks. I love BJs.
- Neil Diamond: Yeah, well, we were driving down this dark road, and... I hit a kid. So, we got out, and sure enough he was dead. So, we just took off. Pretty fast. And, two hours later, I wrote "Sweet Caroline".
- Weekend Update Anchor: There's a new doll on the market this week: Carlos, a Puerto Rican gay doll with a boyfriend named Billy. The doll's creators... the doll's creators said they are proud to be making America's first gay dolls. To which Ken replied, "Hello-ooo?"