- Jim Zimmerman: I'm not, eh, really a big, eh hunter, but there's one animal that I don't mind going after. That pesky little beaver.
- Weekend Update Anchor: The London Sun is reporting that before the end of the year, the remaining Beatles will release a new song using previously recorded vocals by John Lennon. The song, called "We're Not Home Right Now, Leave a Message After the Beep," will be out in June.
- Susie Jessica Dibbins: Uh-oh! The sound of that oddly chosen French police siren means it's time for our segment called "Today's Future Stars."
- [giggles]
- Susie Jessica Dibbins: Today's future star is super hunktastic: Justin Thomas Nicholas.
- Weekend Update Anchor: Look, listen, Lando Calrissian couldn't have even been in The Phantom Menace; it's a prequel! It takes place 40 years before Star Wars.
- Billy Dee Williams: No, Colin, the movie is brand new! Star Wars came out, like, 20 years ago.
- Weekend Update Anchor: I know! Phantom Menace is new, but it's set 40 years before Star Wars.
- Billy Dee Williams: So you're saying that they made this movie 60 years ago? No-o-o! Come on, get real there, CQ, they didn't even have movies 60 years ago!
- Molly Shannon: Yeah, sometimes it takes a lady to really know how to understand another lady. You know, you know what I'm saying? I was thinking, you know, maybe, after the show, if you want, we could just like blow off the party, and go somewhere quiet and get a drink and talk a little bit, if you want.
- Sarah Michelle Gellar: Molly, I... I don't like you like that.
- Molly Shannon: Oh, really? Oh, that's really funny. 'Cause I saw you making out with that girl in that movie that you did, and if I am not mistaken, it looked like you liked it, lady!
- Gladys Stubbs: How was your weekend?
- Sarah Margaret Connolly: Fab. Eh, how about yours, Sissy Jermaine? Did you kiss any cuties?
- Sissy Germane Daphne: No...
- [giggles]
- Sissy Germane Daphne: But at my cousin's birthday party, my step-uncle made me dress up like Britney Spears and strip for him.
- Gladys Stubbs, Sarah Margaret Connolly, Sissy Germane Daphne, Susie Jessica Dibbins: Ew!