- Sen. Rick Santorum: [appearing on Hardball] Chris, I was taken out of context. Uh... when I said gay sex was as bad as man-on-dog sex, I meant man-on-male dog. Sex between a human make and a female dog, I have no problem with.
- Patrick Fitzwilliams: It is true that Mr. Fitzpatrick has the most powerful and accurate seed.
- Patrick Fitzpatrick: That's right! You got it right, boyo. I hit what I aim for!
- Donnie "The Finger" Dabinski: When it comes to sex, I've been turned down over a hundred times. And those were just the hookers from last night!
- The Falconer: Oh, Donald! You've returned! And you've brought with you a snorkel! Oh, the perfect means to survive... while I, eh, well, you search for a way to save me! And until you do, you will be The Falcon...
- [puts on the snorkel and sinks into the quicksand]
- The Falconer: ... and I will remain...
- Announcer: The Falconer!
- Ben Affleck: [during TV Funhouse] I did three Daredevil sequels to pay for a James Woods?