Saturday Night Live (TV Series)

Will Ferrell/Queens of the Stone Age (2005)

Darrell Hammond: Various, Sean Connery

Quotes 

• Sean Connery : [the category is "Japan-US Relations"]  I'll take "Jap anus relations" for $200.

• Alex Trebek : Dr. Cosby, would you like to pick a category?

  Bill Cosby : That's Doctor William H. Cosby, Junior, E.D.D. WHoa!

  Alex Trebek : Okay. Would you like to pick a category?

  Bill Cosby : No I would not!

  Alex Trebek : Okay, Mr. Connery.

  Sean Connery : I'll take Jap Anus Relations for 200...

  [laughter] 

  Alex Trebek : [board flashes "JAPAN US RELATIONS", Trebek looks at the board in consternation]  I'm sorry, that's Japan U.S. Relations, that's just awful and you know it.

• Alex Trebek : [the category is "The Letter that comes after "B"]  The word cat would be found under this letter in the dictionary.

  [Sean Connery buzzes in] 

  Alex Trebek : . Sean Connery?

  Sean Connery : I believe you'd find that in the R section.

  Alex Trebek : No, not in the "R's".

  Sean Connery : Not in the "R's"? That's not what your mother said.

• Sean Connery : Well, well, well, Trebek, fancy seeing you again. It's been a while.

  Alex Trebek : Not long enough.

  Sean Connery : That's not what your mother said last night.

• Alex Trebek : Mr. Connery, let's see what you wrote.

  [the board displays 0+0-0=0] 

  Alex Trebek : Zero plus zero minus zero equals zero. I think we have a winner, those are numbers, a first grader would know that! I can't believe it! Well, that's all the time we have...

  Sean Connery : Oh, uh, don't ya want to see what I wagered, Trebek?

  Alex Trebek : Do I? You promise me it's still a number?

  Sean Connery : Absolutely. Friend.

  Alex Trebek : Sure.

  Sean Connery : [0+0-0=0 becomes "POOP,p+0-0=p on board]  It is a number! Number 2, Get it?

  [Sean Connery starts laughing, eventually dopeslaps Trebek] 

  Alex Trebek : Okay, that's it, I quit, once and for all, really. Good night.

• [introducing the Double Jeopardy categories] 

  Alex Trebek : "Japan US Relations." I have no idea what that category is doing up there.

  Sean Connery : I had relations this morning, Trebek. Hope we didn't wake you; your mother's a screamer.