- Announcer: And now, Weekend Update with the Weekend Update News Team. Brought to you by Colonel Lingus, the Southern Fried Chicken that takes a lickin'.
- Theodoric of York, Medieval Judge: Wait a minute, perhaps she's right. Maybe the king doesn't have a monopoly on truth. Maybe every man should be judged by his peers... a, a jury of his peers! Six good men. No wait, eight good men. No... ten good men! No, that's not enough, let's see... Eithteen good men. No, that's too many. Let's see, eleven good men. Wait! Thirteen good men. No, eleven or thirteen, it really doesn't matter.
- Theodoric of York, Medieval Judge: [after pausing for a moment] Naahhh!
- Craig Blair: [hosting "What If?"] Well, that's it for tonight, join us next week when we pose the question 'What if George Washington could make himself invisible and had a robot friend?' Good night.
- Yortuk Festrunk: Hey Ted, I'm telling you something, now: all night we have cruised the s- the fox bars and yet, no chicks would agree to swing with us.
- Georg Festrunk: They were frightened by our bulges...
- Ted the bartender: You sure it was the bulges and not those hats?
- Todd DiLaMuca: Shame on you, Lisa, taking homework from two different guys at the same time and never letting either one know where it was really at.