- Father Guido Sarducci: It's amazing to me all the interest in the Popes, the last couple o' weeks. I think it's because of John Paul's visit, personally, but, you know, whatever the reason, people are buyin' these posters that show all of the Popes and people want to know what their names are, what their real names are, when they was livin', when they died, all that stuff. And... going along with this Papal mania, I've kind of designed a contest about the Popes.
- [holds up a large photo showing a close-up of a pizza]
- Father Guido Sarducci: It's-a called "Find the Popes in-a the Pizza" All two hundred and fifty-four Popes, they're in here. And, what we're gonna do in about one minute, we're gonna put a close-up of this on your screen and, you at home, all you have to do is get some, like, wax paper, any kind of paper you can see through and paste it to your screen, or tape it, whatever you want, and all you gotta do is get a pencil and draw a circle around every place you see a picture of a Pope.
- Weekend Update Anchor: New York mayor Ed Koch announced this week that city radio station WNYC would start broadcasting the names of men arrested with prostitutes in an effort to frighten potential patrons. The prostitutes themselves will have their names listed in the newspapers along with their phone numbers and prices.